Some Journalling Prompts For The New Year

As it's almost the end of the year I'm sure I'm not the only one feeling reflective, so I thought I'd share some journalling prompts with you. 

Journalling is a great thing to do if  you want to take stock of the past year or are thinking about setting any New Year Resolutions. You don't need to answer all the prompts, they're simply a starting point for your thoughts. Grab yourself a coffee, a notebook and pen and treat yourself to a few minutes of  valuable 'me time'.

I hope you find them helpful.   

• What brought you the most joy during the last year?

• What were you most proud of?   

• What felt most meaningful? 

• Who supported your best interests?   

• What situations brought out the best in you?  

• What did you learn?  

• What will you do differently in the coming year?
  

If you're ready to set some resolutions, you might also want to check out this post on choosing the right goals for you. 

And if you want someone on your side, you know where I am.

Wishing you every happiness in the new year.

Making Happiness Your Goal

(Spoiler alert - this blog contains a Cheshire Cat, a quest, hidden treasures, a glimpse at the Dark Side, a well guarded secret, and a plot twist. Happy New Year.)

However you feel about New Year's Resolutions, the New Year (or even a new day) can be a great time to reflect on what you do want. So how can we get it off to the best possible start?

Starting With The End In Mind

As the Cheshire Cat says to Alice "If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there." 

It's hard to argue with that. It seems logical that to succeed in reaching any goal in life we first need to know what it is. If you don't know what you want, how will you recognise it when you get it?

But it's my experience that people don't know. Or rather they hide the goal under a series of other goals to the extent that they lose sight of whatever it was to start with. (If that's true for you I promise you're not alone.) It becomes something of a lost treasure that can only be reached after completing endless challenges like a quest you started on but can't remember why.

The good news is we can uncover this treasure if we know where to look, and by doing so we can save ourselves a lot of wasted time, effort and frustration. And New Year is as good a time to do that as any.

Hidden Treasure

So where is this treasure to be found? Often right under our noses cleverly hidden inside our 'When'/'Then' thinking.

It goes like this.

Quest. "When I .... (lose weight/gain a qualification/get a better career/find love) 

Treasure. Then I'll feel ....(happy/fulfilled/confident etc)."

It seems to me that New Year's Resolutions tend to focus on the quest rather than the treasure.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with setting yourself those quest type goals of course. (I'd be a very odd life coach if I thought there was). And you probably will feel happier if that goal is realistic and achievable. Achievements, even the smallest achievements, are known to help us feel good in themselves; especially if the goal also provides a sense of purpose and adds meaning to our life. But that good feeling can also be short lived and may be reliant on achieving one goal after another.

The Dark Side

The problem with the When/Then approach lies in the fact that it makes your happiness (or other desirable outcomes) dependant on some external measurement of success. Or to put it another way, if you don't reach that benchmark then it's easy to believe that your chances of greater happiness, confidence or fulfillment have flown out of the window. You might even consider it evidence that you're a failure and doomed to a life of misery. (I'm exaggerating a bit here but I'm sure you know what I mean). 

And of course, even if you do achieve your When it doesn't guarantee that the Then will follow. 

Maybe part of the reason we so often fail with the quest is because we don't want the disappointment of it not delivering on the results we want? If it's not guaranteed, what's the point in trying?

Don't Tell Anyone But ...

The truth is, we've all been approaching this the wrong way round. You can be happier without having to complete the quest. What's more, when you approach life from this happiness first perspective, everything else is easier to achieve.

Take weight loss for example. Though weight loss is a popular New Year's goal I'm going to assume it's one that people don't find much pleasure in working towards as it probably feels like you have to deprive yourself of something you enjoy. But what if we approached it a different way? One that didn't focus on weight management, or calorie counting, or food at all?

Going Down The Rabbit Hole And Out Again

Most of us turn to comfort foods when we're stressed so it follows that the longer someone feel stressed, the more comfort food they eat, and the more weight is gained. The more weight that's gained, the less confident a person might feel and the less likely they are to take part in social activites that could boost their mood. The more low they feel, the more they turn to comfort foods. It's a downward spiral.

Conversely, when that same person feels happier they're more likely to make positive food choices so it's easier for them to maintain a healthy weight. That could lead to them being more active which boosts their mood further as well as helping with the weight management. Because they feel happier they're more likely to accept social invitations which further increases their happiness. The spiral moves upwards. See how this works?

So by focusing on a different goal, that of managing their stress levels in this example, it's possible to reduce the unhelpful behaviour of comfort eating and improve their overall health. Instead of  

"When I've lost weight I'll feel happy" it becomes  

"Because I feel happy I maintain a healthy weight."

The same principle applies to many other areas. For example, are you more likely to apply for your dream job when you're feeling positive or not? What about applying to college? Starting a business? Or plucking up the courage to speak to the person you want to meet?

Journalling Prompt

So here's a little journalling exercise for you to try. Think of it as a mini quest if you like.

1. Grab a cuppa and take yourself to a quiet space for a few minutes. Then open your journal and write at the top of the page the words When and Then. See how many When and Then statements you can come up with. Try to be as honest with yourself as possible. 

2. Choose one of the statements to explore further, this time using your Then from the previous statement as your new When. For example if you wrote;

"When I've got the job I want, then I'll gain the respect of my peers" you would now write;

"When I gain the respect of my peers then I'll feel more confident."

3. Continue until you feel you can't go any further. Then highlight or underline your final Then statement. There's your treasure.

Congratulations. 

I'm going to assume the treasure you uncovered was happiness or something close to that? Now it's up to you to decide how the the story ends. 

Will you set out on a potentially endless quest anyway or grab that treasure you've found and start living happily ever after right where you are now? It's really as simple as that because happiness isn't really a goal you have to reach at all but a way of being in the present. There are tools and techniques you can start using right now to increase your happiness if that's what you decide you want. Here are just a few ideas.

On the other hand if, like Alice, you're still not sure which road to take, drop me a message. I'd be happy to help. Professional life coach and treasure hunter at your service.

Living Life On Purpose

Hands up if you can honestly say that you are clear on your life's purpose? If not, I'm here to tell you that's O.K. and that you're in good company. (Probably not what you expect to hear from a life coach but stick with me). Chances are neither do the majority of people reading this. Yet we can sometimes feel as though we 'should' know. Who wasn't asked what they wanted to be when they grew up? The pressure to somehow know the answer was there from an early age for most of us.

Of course some people do know exactly what they want to do with their life from early on but I believe that's the exception rather than the norm.  I'm sure the question was meant to inspire us but it can also make us feel like we've failed if we've made it to adulthood and we still don't know the answer.

The Good News Is ..

Luckily you don't need to know your life's purpose in order to live a purposeful life. Neither do you have to be ambitious, driven, determined or any of those other 'hard' qualities which can come to mind when we think of people pursuing their life's purpose. If you are, then that's O.K. It's just not a requirement. What I'm saying is, we can all lead a purposeful life - and in fact research has shown that it's healthy to do so and that “those with meaning in life are happier and healthier than those without it.” (Professor Dilip V. Jeste, MD).

Career or Purpose?

But let's get something clear before we go further, and it's that you can have a purposeful life quite separately to whatever you do to pay the bills. What a poor existence it would be if we only valued ourselves and our contribution to life by the money we earn. For example, you don't have to be a professional politician to be active in local politics, or a professional musician to enjoy making music. As long as those activities provide a sense of satisfaction and give you opportunities to pursue personal goals, then they can give your life purpose. Goals give us direction and are good for our confidence and self esteem, especially when they are realistic as that way we feel more inclined to pursue them and as a result, achieve them.

Meaning can also be found through your work of course, but that doesn't mean you have to climb a corporate ladder to find it - unless you want to. I've worked in places where the cleaners had a clear sense of purpose in their work, as they saw it as contributing to the smooth running of the office as a whole. And let's recognise that taking home a wage can be meaningful in itself, especially if that means you are better able to provide opportunities for your family or support a favourite charity

We often find meaning in being part of something larger than ourselves so being part of a team, or an organisation, a workplace, a club, a class, a community etc. can give you a real sense of purpose, even more so when you are all working towards a shared goal.

How's Your Sense of Purpose?

A sense of purpose or of meaning is important for our well-being but if after reading this you feel like your life is lacking purpose, try not to be hard on yourself. There are plenty of reasons you may feel that way and they're all perfectly normal.

It may be that you've come to the end of a particular stage in your life - that you've graduated from college, or your family have left home, or you've retired and that which provided you with a sense of purpose is no longer there. Alternatively, you may now have a family but your career which was previously important to you prevents you from spending the quality time you would like with them. If your values and priorities have changed and you haven't adjusted your lifestyle accordingly things could feel rather empty.

In which case it can be helpful to take some time to reflect on what is important to you now and on the steps you could take to get your life back on track. And that can be easier with someone in your corner. If that's something you're ready to do, I'd be very happy to help.

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How to Make and Keep Your New Year's Resolutions

Lose weight? Watch less TV? Get a new job? Declutter? Stop smoking? Spend less time online and more with friends? Learn a new skill? Think positively? If the idea of making New Year's Resolutions is accompanied by a little voice telling you that you never keep them (and so why bother?) this post is for you. Keeping motivated isn't as hard as it may seem once you have a few key factors in place to help you reach your goals. And the good news is you probably have much of what you need already. If you don't, help is at hand.

On the other hand, if you're one of those amazing people who achieves whatever they set their mind to with ease, this may seem familiar, and I hope will spur you on to greater challenges this year.

Control

The first thing to ask yourself when making your New Year's Resolution, is 'Do I have control over this?' And importantly that includes control over the choice to set that particular goal. For example, if you are aiming to lose weight because someone else wants you to, your motivation isn't going to last very long. In fact that may make you feel completely demotivated. Quite simply, your goal needs to be truly your own if you are to achieve it. It needs to be something you want to do.

Tip - Ask yourself, 'Whose goal is this really?'

Congruence

Congruence is a word coaches love but simply put it means that the goal needs to be in line with your values. For example, if one of your values is that your family should have the best opportunities possible, you may find it easy to squeeze your children's interests into your busy schedule but focusing on your own career or personal development may be more difficult. On the other hand, you might recognise that by pursuing your own interests you also provide a good role model for your children. A coach can help you explore your values so that you can make New Year's Resolutions which feel right for you.

Tip - Ask yourself 'Is my goal in line with what's really important to me?

Competence and Confidence

You need to feel that you can achieve your goal. That may mean you need to learn new skills in order to do so, but you need to feel confident that each step towards your goal is manageable.

Tip - Break your goal down into simple steps.

Connections

We are social animals and even if our goal is to have more time alone, we are more likely to achieve this if we have the support of others. This is one of the reasons why people who join a gym often have more success than those who go it alone. Think of someone who wants to take up running, for example. It may be that one of the reasons for them doing so is to have some 'me time'. However there will be days when it rains and motivation is hard to find. That's when the support of someone else (and I don't mean the type of support that offers you a cup of hot chocolate and a cosy evening in) helps get you out there despite the weather.

Tip - Get someone in your corner.

Preparing for Challenges.

It happens - your partner/son/daughter eats the healthy meal you were keeping for yourself, or the car breaks down and your new found positive thinking flies straight out of the window, or you are ready to apply for that new job but your Internet connection goes down. What do you do? Returning to our lone runner on a rainy evening for a moment, it would be so easy for them to have a night off, but how would they feel afterwards? Chances are that they'd feel disappointed at least and might find that the little voice that tells them they never stick to anything starts to speak up louder than usual. We know that things crop up in life that can throw us off track, so better to be prepared for them in advance. That's where realistic goal setting can come in (aim to run 3 times a week instead of every day?) and identifying different options in case the inevitable should happen.

Tip - Have a back-up plan.

Celebrate Your Successes

We humans have a funny way of noticing what goes wrong over what is going well, and it's easy to be hard on ourselves when we feel we've let ourselves down. We eat the cake we promised ourselves we wouldn't, we decide that learning that new skill isn't as important as a night in front of the T.V, or we get to halfway through January and our goal seems just too far ahead to reach. That's where it can help to stop and look at what you've already achieved. Celebrate the days you didn't have the cake, acknowledge the things you've already learned, look at the distance you've already travelled - realise you're on your way.

Tip - Look at what you've achieved already. You're doing great!

Get a Coach

I know you can do this but it's far easier when you have the help of someone who wants you to succeed. That's where coaching comes in. I can help you set realistic goals which are in line with your values, help you break that goal down into manageable steps, help you identify obstacles, keep you accountable and, best of all, celebrate your successes. You can contact me either by using the contact form on this page or via my facebook page. I look forward to helping you achieve your goals.

Tip - Contact me now and let's get your New Year's Resolutions off to fantastic start.

Wishing You a Very Happy New Year.