Showing posts with label stress management. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stress management. Show all posts

Naturally Happier


As I write this article the sun is shining in and I can hear birds singing in the garden. Outside the wild primroses are smiling (I'm sure they do) some of which popped up before Christmas. Every year my front lawn gets covered in wild primroses and it's the prettiest sight. There will be a lot more of them yet. My Rosemary is flowering and other garden plants are springing back to life. I've been able to do a bit of work on the garden recently and to dry laundry on the line. It's so nice to be able to spend time outdoors again and feels like a much needed tonic. And there is a growing body of evidence that proves what many of us instinctively feel. And that is, that nature is good for us.

Really this should come as no surprise as we are part of nature. The belief that nature is something separate from us is a relatively recent idea and not even one that is shared by all people. It's the dominant model but not the only one historically or culturally. Humans made their appearance on Earth sometime around 2 and 6 million years ago. The belief that we are separate from nature is just a few hundred years old. Even the idea that we are animals ourselves can seem strange as we are so used to seeing animals as something different to us. 

We depend on nature for food, for water, for the air we breathe but we have created lives for ourselves that have, to a large part, removed us from the rest of nature. And that has implications for all of us.

"On average, a person in contemporary society lives over 99.9% of his or her life devoid of conscious sensory contact with attractions in nature. We spend over 95% of our time indoors. We think, write and build relationships while closeted from nature. This disconnected state deludes us to believe that our extreme separation from nature does not influence our intelligence, sanity or ability to relate responsibly. The state of the world says otherwise." Cohen. 

Though this may not feel like a particularly optimistic outlook the opposite is also true. When we spend time in the company of the rest of nature, we feel the benefit.

The mental health charity 'Mind' recognises Eco-Therapy as helpful in reducing anger, depression, anxiety and stress; and as beneficial to a person's self-esteeem, physical health, social life and confidence. In 2007 The Telegraph reported that "the first study into ecotherapy found that fresh air and exercise cut depression in more than 70 per cent of people. A 30 minute walk in a country park also boosted self-esteem in nine out of 10 sufferers." The benefits are really quite significant.

Ecotherapy can take the form of walking in nature, gardening, spending time with animals - in fact exactly the kind of things many people have found helpful over this last year. I've been offering Walk and Talk as an option for my coaching clients since 2017 due to the well-being benefits that connecting with nature provides.

Of course we can't overlook the Climate Crisis which has come very much to the the attention of all of us over the last few years. You may even have come across the term Eco-Anxiety being used to describe the sense of helplessness that many people have experienced in response to that. Though coaches don't diagnose or treat mental health conditions, they do help people take action.

March 4th is Climate Coaching Action Day and I'm proud to say I shall once again be offering a limited number of free coaching spaces for those who wish to take action in response to the Climate Crisis. Priority will be given to those whose action is likely to have the widest reach - for example those working in education or able to influence culture change in their workplaces. However if this speaks to you, please get in touch. The more people taking action to care for our beautiful planet, the better it is for all our wellbeing.

In the meantime, I'm heading back into the garden to enjoy the sunshine. I hope you can too.

Why Good News Is Good For Us


We're only a month into 2021 and so far ..

Nice to know eh? 

So here's a question for you. How does it feel to read those stories? And how often do you read positive news? 

I really hope you're reading at least one good news story a day as you could argue it's more important right now than ever.

First The Bad News

Negative news stories are known to raise our cortisol and adrenaline levels causing us to feel stressed and putting us at risk of anxiety, depression and insomnia. And we can't deny that there is a lot of negative news around. We need to stay informed but we also need to ensure that our bodies aren't constantly flooded with these chemicals. Reading positive news stories can help put things in perspective.

Negativity Bias

Finding positive stories to read is also important due to our natural negativity bias. This is the tendency we have that gives greater weight to negative events than positive ones. You may have experienced this when you've had a great week but find your mind keeps going over that one moment where someone ignored you in the street. Likewise those bad news stories are going to dominate your attention even on a good week. Consuming positive news can help us to feel less stressed and more hopeful about the future.

The Good News Is

There's no shortage of good news out there. In fact there are websites dedicated to only sharing good news. You might like to check out Positive News, The World's Best News or Reasons To Be Cheerful just to get started. You might even want to consider bookmarking them so you can visit them regularly.

Avoid The Echo Chamber 

If you find you're receiving the majority of your news from social media you might want to consider avoiding reacting to, or commenting on, negative posts. It can be too easy to leave an angry or sad emoji on people's posts or to enter into arguments. But as you may know, social media algorithms work by detecting the information that we seem to be interested in so that it can give us more of the same. Put simply, the more we react to negative stories, the more of those we'll see. Before you know it, it seems as though bad news is all there is. But start reacting to stories of good news or images that uplift you, and you'll see more of that instead.

Be The Change

Even better, why not be the one who helps make social media a more positive experience for everyone? Share something beautiful. Or something that makes you laugh. Or maybe share a bit of good news you've come across? Just seeking out positive things to share will help lift your mood. Alternatively make it a social experience and start a thread asking your friends to share their good news.

It's not about pretending that everything's rosy right now, it's about acknowledging that it is not all bad either. And it's about helping everyone to get through it.

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Can I Help?

If you found the suggestions in this article interesting you might wonder what else you could be doing to improve the quality of your life - and I'd be happy to help. Life coaching isn't therapy but it can help you to enjoy greater happiness and wellbeing by making realistic and sustainable lifestyle changes such as the ones above. I work with you to help you focus on strengths not weaknesses, on solutions not problems and on what is working not on what is not. We'd also focus on those times when you feel capable, confident and resilient in order to help you feel the way you want to feel more often. 

Get in touch if you'd like more information or to book a free 30 minute consultation.

Making Happiness Your Goal

(Spoiler alert - this blog contains a Cheshire Cat, a quest, hidden treasures, a glimpse at the Dark Side, a well guarded secret, and a plot twist. Happy New Year.)

However you feel about New Year's Resolutions, the New Year (or even a new day) can be a great time to reflect on what you do want. So how can we get it off to the best possible start?

Starting With The End In Mind

As the Cheshire Cat says to Alice "If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there." 

It's hard to argue with that. It seems logical that to succeed in reaching any goal in life we first need to know what it is. If you don't know what you want, how will you recognise it when you get it?

But it's my experience that people don't know. Or rather they hide the goal under a series of other goals to the extent that they lose sight of whatever it was to start with. (If that's true for you I promise you're not alone.) It becomes something of a lost treasure that can only be reached after completing endless challenges like a quest you started on but can't remember why.

The good news is we can uncover this treasure if we know where to look, and by doing so we can save ourselves a lot of wasted time, effort and frustration. And New Year is as good a time to do that as any.

Hidden Treasure

So where is this treasure to be found? Often right under our noses cleverly hidden inside our 'When'/'Then' thinking.

It goes like this.

Quest. "When I .... (lose weight/gain a qualification/get a better career/find love) 

Treasure. Then I'll feel ....(happy/fulfilled/confident etc)."

It seems to me that New Year's Resolutions tend to focus on the quest rather than the treasure.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with setting yourself those quest type goals of course. (I'd be a very odd life coach if I thought there was). And you probably will feel happier if that goal is realistic and achievable. Achievements, even the smallest achievements, are known to help us feel good in themselves; especially if the goal also provides a sense of purpose and adds meaning to our life. But that good feeling can also be short lived and may be reliant on achieving one goal after another.

The Dark Side

The problem with the When/Then approach lies in the fact that it makes your happiness (or other desirable outcomes) dependant on some external measurement of success. Or to put it another way, if you don't reach that benchmark then it's easy to believe that your chances of greater happiness, confidence or fulfillment have flown out of the window. You might even consider it evidence that you're a failure and doomed to a life of misery. (I'm exaggerating a bit here but I'm sure you know what I mean). 

And of course, even if you do achieve your When it doesn't guarantee that the Then will follow. 

Maybe part of the reason we so often fail with the quest is because we don't want the disappointment of it not delivering on the results we want? If it's not guaranteed, what's the point in trying?

Don't Tell Anyone But ...

The truth is, we've all been approaching this the wrong way round. You can be happier without having to complete the quest. What's more, when you approach life from this happiness first perspective, everything else is easier to achieve.

Take weight loss for example. Though weight loss is a popular New Year's goal I'm going to assume it's one that people don't find much pleasure in working towards as it probably feels like you have to deprive yourself of something you enjoy. But what if we approached it a different way? One that didn't focus on weight management, or calorie counting, or food at all?

Going Down The Rabbit Hole And Out Again

Most of us turn to comfort foods when we're stressed so it follows that the longer someone feel stressed, the more comfort food they eat, and the more weight is gained. The more weight that's gained, the less confident a person might feel and the less likely they are to take part in social activites that could boost their mood. The more low they feel, the more they turn to comfort foods. It's a downward spiral.

Conversely, when that same person feels happier they're more likely to make positive food choices so it's easier for them to maintain a healthy weight. That could lead to them being more active which boosts their mood further as well as helping with the weight management. Because they feel happier they're more likely to accept social invitations which further increases their happiness. The spiral moves upwards. See how this works?

So by focusing on a different goal, that of managing their stress levels in this example, it's possible to reduce the unhelpful behaviour of comfort eating and improve their overall health. Instead of  

"When I've lost weight I'll feel happy" it becomes  

"Because I feel happy I maintain a healthy weight."

The same principle applies to many other areas. For example, are you more likely to apply for your dream job when you're feeling positive or not? What about applying to college? Starting a business? Or plucking up the courage to speak to the person you want to meet?

Journalling Prompt

So here's a little journalling exercise for you to try. Think of it as a mini quest if you like.

1. Grab a cuppa and take yourself to a quiet space for a few minutes. Then open your journal and write at the top of the page the words When and Then. See how many When and Then statements you can come up with. Try to be as honest with yourself as possible. 

2. Choose one of the statements to explore further, this time using your Then from the previous statement as your new When. For example if you wrote;

"When I've got the job I want, then I'll gain the respect of my peers" you would now write;

"When I gain the respect of my peers then I'll feel more confident."

3. Continue until you feel you can't go any further. Then highlight or underline your final Then statement. There's your treasure.

Congratulations

I'm going to assume the treasure you uncovered was happiness or something close to that? Now it's up to you to decide how the the story ends. 

Will you set out on a potentially endless quest anyway or grab that treasure you've found and start living happily ever after right where you are now? It's really as simple as that because happiness isn't really a goal you have to reach at all but a way of being in the present. There are tools and techniques you can start using right now to increase your happiness if that's what you decide you want. Here are just a few ideas.

On the other hand if, like Alice, you're still not sure which road to take, drop me a message. I'd be happy to help. Professional life coach and treasure hunter at your service.


Finding The Good In Difficult Times


It would be a bit of an understatement to say that things haven't been easy this year. One glance at social media or the news is more than enough to remind us all of the difficulties around right now even if you've managed to escape the worst of it all personally. But that doesn't mean that things are all doom and gloom. As is often the case in a crisis there are many people coming forward to help friends, neighbours, strangers in all sorts of ways and that can be a real source of joy for everyone involved. Even hearing of others kindness can lift our spirits. And deliberately looking for that which is good can help us all to be more resilient whatever challenges we're facing. But this can take a bit of practice because to do so means going against our natural instincts.

I'm sure you've had one of those days where everything has been pretty good. Maybe you've had a successful day in work or enjoyed some time catching up with friends. And then something happens to change it. Maybe someone makes a rude remark or another driver cuts you up at a junction (and stares at you as though you're in the wrong). It may be that you witness something that makes you feel angry or sad. Suddenly all that was good and enjoyable from the day are forgotten. Not only do those negative experiences outweigh the positive, but we tend to remember them much longer too.

This is our negativity bias at work. It's not a fault. In fact it's perfectly normal and may even be part of our success as a species. After all, noticing an approaching threat is rather important if we are to survive. But it can become overwhelming, particularly in difficult times, if we don't make efforts to find a balance.

Luckily finding a balance is as simple as looking for the good in every day. It could be ..

a good coffee ... 

a compliment... 

a funny cat video ... 

a beautiful sunset ... 

a job well done ... 

a quiet 5 minutes ...

being safe and warm at home.

You get the idea. They don't need to be major achievements (though of course you can include those too) just the everyday things in your life that are good.

You can also look for the opportunities in a particular challenge. The silver lining if you like. Jumping in puddles anyone?

The key here is practice. Seeing the negative comes naturally and we've all been practicing it for years. No wonder we're so good at it. So we need to be kind to ourselves and not expect to be experts at focusing on what is good after one attempt. And just as you wouldn't expect to be able to run a marathon after one jog around the block, the same principles apply. The more we practice, the better we get at it and the easier it becomes. You can even make it a social experience by asking a friend or colleague what has been good about their day.

Stick with it and you'll find you start to see the good, and find joy, almost everywhere. And that can make a big difference - especially during difficult times.

The Happy Way To Immune Health




It’s been a difficult few months and if you haven’t been feeling very happy lately that’s completely understandable. We’ve all had a lot to adjust to and a lot of people have been struggling with their well-being. But there is an increasing body of evidence that shows that happiness isn’t just about feeling good emotionally, it’s also important for our physical health. And one area where happiness helps is in supporting your immune system. Making your happiness a priority right now could help keep you well, and there are some simple actions you can take to make a difference.

Get Active


If you’ve been staying active during lockdown, you’ve probably already felt the benefits for your happiness. Moving your body increases dopamine and serotonin levels which makes you feel good. But it’s important you do something you enjoy. If you’re not someone who enjoys exercise you might like to consider going for a walk, dancing to a favourite piece of music, or gardening. They’re all great ways to get moving. On the other hand, if you’re already pretty active you might want to be careful not to do too much as over exercising has been linked to an increase in anxiety.

Be Present


Mindfulness has become increasingly popular recently and with good reason. It reduces the stress hormone cortisol and increases levels of feel good serotonin and endorphins. It can also help improve the quality of your sleep - something which is essential for immune health. Contrary to popular belief, mindfulness isn’t about blocking your thoughts out but simply being present in the moment. Try focusing your mind on your breath and, when you notice yourself thinking, gently return your attention to the breath. Like a lot of things, it takes practice, but the benefits are well worth it.

Connect with others


One of the greatest challenges of recent months has been the need for physical distancing. In fact a lack of social connection has been shown to be as bad for you as smoking a packet of cigarettes a day and twice as harmful as being obese. Connecting with others stimulates release of oxytocin which makes you feel good and boosts immunity, so it’s important to find ways to connect with others despite physical distancing. Something as simple as a phone call to a friend can make a big difference to your health and happiness.

Try Something New


Trying something new gives your mind a workout and increases your happiness along the way. It gives you a goal to work towards and that stimulates the release of dopamine. Each step closer to that goal gives you a confidence boost. The size of the goal doesn’t matter either. It could be as simple as trying a new recipe or as ambitious as learning a new language. The important thing is to find something that challenges you enough to hold your interest without becoming a source of stress.

Be Kind


It’s hard to be happy when those around us aren’t but when others feel good we do too. Showing kindness is a simple way to help others feel good and increase your own happiness as it stimulates the release of oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin, your body’s natural feel good chemicals. Whether you hold a door open for someone, surprise someone with a gift or volunteer for a charity, it all helps. So be kind and feel the benefit but remember to be kind to yourself too.

(This article originally appeared in a shortened form in Your Healthy Living magazine)

Simple Steps from Stressed to Zzzzz

On a scale of 1 to 10. How stressed do you feel today? (Read on for your unique stress management plan).

How do you feel when someone talks about Stress Management? I'll be honest and say that even the word 'stressed' makes me start to feel stressed. So that's why I want to approach this a little bit differently.

In fact I don't want you to focus on stress at all. If you're feeling stressed (and possibly stressing about feeling stressed) I invite you to focus on how you'd like to feel instead.

Grab a pen and paper and write down (or draw) how you'd like to feel. Maybe you want to feel relaxed? Or maybe you have another word that describes what you want better?

Then bring to mind all the times recently when you have felt the way you want to feel. Even if those were just moments. Every moment matters. Jot down as many of those moments as you can remember.

Look over your list and circle all the moments you could include in your daily life.

Commit to include 1 or more of these each day.

Congratulations - you have your own unique stress management plan and hopefully are starting to feel better already.

I'd love to know how well this worked for you.