Five Ways to Make Social Media Your Friend

I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that social media is bad for your well-being. It's been shown to be detrimental to our self-esteem, our sleep patterns, our attention span, and our mental health. It can even have a negative affect on our experience of the present moment. When we are busy capturing the perfect photo for instagram we can miss out on the joy around us.

A huge part of this is due to the fact that we naturally compare ourselves to others and this can increase feelings of depression and isolation. And while we're spending hours online we're missing out on opportunities to do those activities which are known to be good for us - such as spending time in nature, enjoying hobbies, learning something new or spending time with friends and family.

But for many of us it's also an important way to stay in touch with friends and family, as well as a tool we may use for work. So can we use social media in such a way that it benefits our well-being instead? I think we can.

1) Be Mindful

My first tip is to be mindful of why you're checking your social media. Importantly, are you simply picking up your phone out of habit? There may be many good reasons for checking Facebook, Twitter, Instagram etc such as to wish a friend happy birthday, to gain support yourself, to find out about events or classes, to connect with people who share your beliefs or interests, or even to be inspired by beautiful photography. But I would argue there is a difference between picking up your phone and randomly scrolling through the feed to mindfully seeking out that which you're interested in. It's about using social media with intention - in the same way that when you watch TV you would select the programmes you enjoy.

2) Be Curious

Even when using social media mindfully, you'll no doubt see images which can create the impression that others have perfect lives. Their homes always look immaculate, their gardens are neatly manicured, they seem to have successful careers, loving partners, wonderful children - and that can really knock your confidence. Logically we know we aren't seeing the complete picture but that doesn't make it any easier. However, we can choose to approach those images with curiosity and look beyond the pictures to consider what we aren't seeing. For example, they may look beautiful but they could feel lonely. They may have relationship or financial difficulties. They may have health problems they don't like to talk about online. They may be worried about a family member. Of course we won't know what is going on beyond the pictures but curiosity can help us see the images as they really are - the highlights reel of their life.

3) Celebrate Others Success

One way to increase our sense of social connection is to celebrate others success. It seems to me that social media is pretty good at this. Important events such as graduations, a new job, weddings, the birth of a child generally attract a lot of congratulations from friends and family. However there is so much more to celebrate. There is someone growing their first tomato .. there is another person who tidied the house this morning .. there is the person who got the laundry in before the rain .. there is the person who tried out a new recipe .. there is the person who decided to switch off their social media at 9pm and slept better as a result. Just as we need people on our side when we feel low we also need them to be there when we succeed, and those little wins are important. Celebrating others successes helps them feel good - and when we make others feel good, we feel good too.

4) Increase Your Self Awareness

One thing social media does very well is to provide us with an opportunity for increasing our self-awareness. How often have you felt at least a tiny bit envious of others successes or achievements? Was it the holiday pictures you envied or the new career? The romantic relationship or the new house? Their weight loss success or the night out with friends? Or maybe it was a quiet night in? Where does your envy highlight that which you would like for yourself? Whatever it is you envy it's unlikely that it happened overnight. We see the results but we don't see what it took to get there. But one thing's for sure. If one person can achieve it, it's pretty likely you can too. Once you're aware of what you want for yourself, you can begin making a plan to achieve it. Having a goal to work towards is great for our well-being as it provides us with purpose and direction, and we gain confidence as we achieve each step along the way. So if you're not sure what you want in life, check your social media.

5) Connect With Others

If you are using social media mindfully it can be a great way to connect with others in ways that support your happiness and well-being. And stronger social conections are linked to greater immunity, reductions in anxiety, and faster recovery from disease. There's even some evidence that it may help you live longer. So how do we connect in ways that support our well-being? One way might be to join a Facebook group of like-minded people where you can learn from evidence based articles and podcasts, take part in well-being challenges and laugh at the occasional funny cat meme or feel good video. It just so happens I have such a group and it's called More Than Happy. One member recently described it as the "happiest place on Facebook". If you'd like to join us, you'd be very welcome.