Naturally Happier

As I write this article the sun is shining in and I can hear birds singing in the garden. Outside the wild primroses are smiling (I'm sure they do) some of which popped up before Christmas. Every year my front lawn gets covered in wild primroses and it's the prettiest sight. There will be a lot more of them yet. My Rosemary is flowering and other garden plants are springing back to life. I've been able to do a bit of work on the garden recently and to dry laundry on the line. It's so nice to be able to spend time outdoors again and feels like a much needed tonic. And there is a growing body of evidence that proves what many of us instinctively feel. And that is, that nature is good for us.

Really this should come as no surprise as we are part of nature. The belief that nature is something separate from us is a relatively recent idea and not even one that is shared by all people. It's the dominant model but not the only one historically or culturally. Humans made their appearance on Earth sometime around 2 and 6 million years ago. The belief that we are separate from nature is just a few hundred years old. Even the idea that we are animals ourselves can seem strange as we are so used to seeing animals as something different to us. 

We depend on nature for food, for water, for the air we breathe but we have created lives for ourselves that have, to a large part, removed us from the rest of nature. And that has implications for all of us.

"On average, a person in contemporary society lives over 99.9% of his or her life devoid of conscious sensory contact with attractions in nature. We spend over 95% of our time indoors. We think, write and build relationships while closeted from nature. This disconnected state deludes us to believe that our extreme separation from nature does not influence our intelligence, sanity or ability to relate responsibly. The state of the world says otherwise." Cohen. 

Though this may not feel like a particularly optimistic outlook the opposite is also true. When we spend time in the company of the rest of nature, we feel the benefit.

The mental health charity 'Mind' recognises Eco-Therapy as helpful in reducing anger, depression, anxiety and stress; and as beneficial to a person's self-esteeem, physical health, social life and confidence. In 2007 The Telegraph reported that "the first study into ecotherapy found that fresh air and exercise cut depression in more than 70 per cent of people. A 30 minute walk in a country park also boosted self-esteem in nine out of 10 sufferers." The benefits are really quite significant.

Ecotherapy can take the form of walking in nature, gardening, spending time with animals - in fact exactly the kind of things many people have found helpful over this last year. I've been offering Walk and Talk as an option for my coaching clients since 2017 due to the well-being benefits that connecting with nature provides.

Of course we can't overlook the Climate Crisis which has come very much to the the attention of all of us over the last few years. You may even have come across the term Eco-Anxiety being used to describe the sense of helplessness that many people have experienced in response to that. Though coaches don't diagnose or treat mental health conditions, they do help people take action.

March 4th is Climate Coaching Action Day and I'm proud to say I shall once again be offering a limited number of free coaching spaces for those who wish to take action in response to the Climate Crisis. Priority will be given to those whose action is likely to have the widest reach - for example those working in education or able to influence culture change in their workplaces. However if this speaks to you, please get in touch. The more people taking action to care for our beautiful planet, the better it is for all our wellbeing.

In the meantime, I'm heading back into the garden to enjoy the sunshine. I hope you can too.

Living Life On Purpose

Hands up if you can honestly say that you are clear on your life's purpose? If not, I'm here to tell you that's O.K. and that you're in good company. (Probably not what you expect to hear from a life coach but stick with me). Chances are neither do the majority of people reading this. Yet we can sometimes feel as though we 'should' know. Who wasn't asked what they wanted to be when they grew up? The pressure to somehow know the answer was there from an early age for most of us.

Of course some people do know exactly what they want to do with their life from early on but I believe that's the exception rather than the norm.  I'm sure the question was meant to inspire us but it can also make us feel like we've failed if we've made it to adulthood and we still don't know the answer.

The Good News Is ..

Luckily you don't need to know your life's purpose in order to live a purposeful life. Neither do you have to be ambitious, driven, determined or any of those other 'hard' qualities which can come to mind when we think of people pursuing their life's purpose. If you are, then that's O.K. It's just not a requirement. What I'm saying is, we can all lead a purposeful life - and in fact research has shown that it's healthy to do so and that “those with meaning in life are happier and healthier than those without it.” (Professor Dilip V. Jeste, MD).

Career or Purpose?

But let's get something clear before we go further, and it's that you can have a purposeful life quite separately to whatever you do to pay the bills. What a poor existence it would be if we only valued ourselves and our contribution to life by the money we earn. For example, you don't have to be a professional politician to be active in local politics, or a professional musician to enjoy making music. As long as those activities provide a sense of satisfaction and give you opportunities to pursue personal goals, then they can give your life purpose. Goals give us direction and are good for our confidence and self esteem, especially when they are realistic as that way we feel more inclined to pursue them and as a result, achieve them.

Meaning can also be found through your work of course, but that doesn't mean you have to climb a corporate ladder to find it - unless you want to. I've worked in places where the cleaners had a clear sense of purpose in their work, as they saw it as contributing to the smooth running of the office as a whole. And let's recognise that taking home a wage can be meaningful in itself, especially if that means you are better able to provide opportunities for your family or support a favourite charity

We often find meaning in being part of something larger than ourselves so being part of a team, or an organisation, a workplace, a club, a class, a community etc. can give you a real sense of purpose, even more so when you are all working towards a shared goal.

How's Your Sense of Purpose?

A sense of purpose or of meaning is important for our well-being but if after reading this you feel like your life is lacking purpose, try not to be hard on yourself. There are plenty of reasons you may feel that way and they're all perfectly normal.

It may be that you've come to the end of a particular stage in your life - that you've graduated from college, or your family have left home, or you've retired and that which provided you with a sense of purpose is no longer there. Alternatively, you may now have a family but your career which was previously important to you prevents you from spending the quality time you would like with them. If your values and priorities have changed and you haven't adjusted your lifestyle accordingly things could feel rather empty.

In which case it can be helpful to take some time to reflect on what is important to you now and on the steps you could take to get your life back on track. And that can be easier with someone in your corner. If that's something you're ready to do, I'd be very happy to help.

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Five Ways to Make Social Media Your Friend

I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that social media is bad for your well-being. It's been shown to be detrimental to our self-esteem, our sleep patterns, our attention span, and our mental health. It can even have a negative affect on our experience of the present moment. When we are busy capturing the perfect photo for instagram we can miss out on the joy around us.

A huge part of this is due to the fact that we naturally compare ourselves to others and this can increase feelings of depression and isolation. And while we're spending hours online we're missing out on opportunities to do those activities which are known to be good for us - such as spending time in nature, enjoying hobbies, learning something new or spending time with friends and family.

But for many of us it's also an important way to stay in touch with friends and family, as well as a tool we may use for work. So can we use social media in such a way that it benefits our well-being instead? I think we can.

1) Be Mindful

My first tip is to be mindful of why you're checking your social media. Importantly, are you simply picking up your phone out of habit? There may be many good reasons for checking Facebook, Twitter, Instagram etc such as to wish a friend happy birthday, to gain support yourself, to find out about events or classes, to connect with people who share your beliefs or interests, or even to be inspired by beautiful photography. But I would argue there is a difference between picking up your phone and randomly scrolling through the feed to mindfully seeking out that which you're interested in. It's about using social media with intention - in the same way that when you watch TV you would select the programmes you enjoy.

2) Be Curious

Even when using social media mindfully, you'll no doubt see images which can create the impression that others have perfect lives. Their homes always look immaculate, their gardens are neatly manicured, they seem to have successful careers, loving partners, wonderful children - and that can really knock your confidence. Logically we know we aren't seeing the complete picture but that doesn't make it any easier. However, we can choose to approach those images with curiosity and look beyond the pictures to consider what we aren't seeing. For example, they may look beautiful but they could feel lonely. They may have relationship or financial difficulties. They may have health problems they don't like to talk about online. They may be worried about a family member. Of course we won't know what is going on beyond the pictures but curiosity can help us see the images as they really are - the highlights reel of their life.

3) Celebrate Others Success

One way to increase our sense of social connection is to celebrate others success. It seems to me that social media is pretty good at this. Important events such as graduations, a new job, weddings, the birth of a child generally attract a lot of congratulations from friends and family. However there is so much more to celebrate. There is someone growing their first tomato .. there is another person who tidied the house this morning .. there is the person who got the laundry in before the rain .. there is the person who tried out a new recipe .. there is the person who decided to switch off their social media at 9pm and slept better as a result. Just as we need people on our side when we feel low we also need them to be there when we succeed, and those little wins are important. Celebrating others successes helps them feel good - and when we make others feel good, we feel good too.

4) Increase Your Self Awareness

One thing social media does very well is to provide us with an opportunity for increasing our self-awareness. How often have you felt at least a tiny bit envious of others successes or achievements? Was it the holiday pictures you envied or the new career? The romantic relationship or the new house? Their weight loss success or the night out with friends? Or maybe it was a quiet night in? Where does your envy highlight that which you would like for yourself? Whatever it is you envy it's unlikely that it happened overnight. We see the results but we don't see what it took to get there. But one thing's for sure. If one person can achieve it, it's pretty likely you can too. Once you're aware of what you want for yourself, you can begin making a plan to achieve it. Having a goal to work towards is great for our well-being as it provides us with purpose and direction, and we gain confidence as we achieve each step along the way. So if you're not sure what you want in life, check your social media.

5) Connect With Others

If you are using social media mindfully it can be a great way to connect with others in ways that support your happiness and well-being. And stronger social conections are linked to greater immunity, reductions in anxiety, and faster recovery from disease. There's even some evidence that it may help you live longer. So how do we connect in ways that support our well-being? One way might be to join a Facebook group of like-minded people where you can learn from evidence based articles and podcasts, take part in well-being challenges and laugh at the occasional funny cat meme or feel good video. It just so happens I have such a group and it's called More Than Happy. One member recently described it as the "happiest place on Facebook". If you'd like to join us, you'd be very welcome.