Naturally Happier

As I write this article the sun is shining in and I can hear birds singing in the garden. Outside the wild primroses are smiling (I'm sure they do) some of which popped up before Christmas. Every year my front lawn gets covered in wild primroses and it's the prettiest sight. There will be a lot more of them yet. My Rosemary is flowering and other garden plants are springing back to life. I've been able to do a bit of work on the garden recently and to dry laundry on the line. It's so nice to be able to spend time outdoors again and feels like a much needed tonic. And there is a growing body of evidence that proves what many of us instinctively feel. And that is, that nature is good for us.

Really this should come as no surprise as we are part of nature. The belief that nature is something separate from us is a relatively recent idea and not even one that is shared by all people. It's the dominant model but not the only one historically or culturally. Humans made their appearance on Earth sometime around 2 and 6 million years ago. The belief that we are separate from nature is just a few hundred years old. Even the idea that we are animals ourselves can seem strange as we are so used to seeing animals as something different to us. 

We depend on nature for food, for water, for the air we breathe but we have created lives for ourselves that have, to a large part, removed us from the rest of nature. And that has implications for all of us.

"On average, a person in contemporary society lives over 99.9% of his or her life devoid of conscious sensory contact with attractions in nature. We spend over 95% of our time indoors. We think, write and build relationships while closeted from nature. This disconnected state deludes us to believe that our extreme separation from nature does not influence our intelligence, sanity or ability to relate responsibly. The state of the world says otherwise." Cohen. 

Though this may not feel like a particularly optimistic outlook the opposite is also true. When we spend time in the company of the rest of nature, we feel the benefit.

The mental health charity 'Mind' recognises Eco-Therapy as helpful in reducing anger, depression, anxiety and stress; and as beneficial to a person's self-esteeem, physical health, social life and confidence. In 2007 The Telegraph reported that "the first study into ecotherapy found that fresh air and exercise cut depression in more than 70 per cent of people. A 30 minute walk in a country park also boosted self-esteem in nine out of 10 sufferers." The benefits are really quite significant.

Ecotherapy can take the form of walking in nature, gardening, spending time with animals - in fact exactly the kind of things many people have found helpful over this last year. I've been offering Walk and Talk as an option for my coaching clients since 2017 due to the well-being benefits that connecting with nature provides.

Of course we can't overlook the Climate Crisis which has come very much to the the attention of all of us over the last few years. You may even have come across the term Eco-Anxiety being used to describe the sense of helplessness that many people have experienced in response to that. Though coaches don't diagnose or treat mental health conditions, they do help people take action.

March 4th is Climate Coaching Action Day and I'm proud to say I shall once again be offering a limited number of free coaching spaces for those who wish to take action in response to the Climate Crisis. Priority will be given to those whose action is likely to have the widest reach - for example those working in education or able to influence culture change in their workplaces. However if this speaks to you, please get in touch. The more people taking action to care for our beautiful planet, the better it is for all our wellbeing.

In the meantime, I'm heading back into the garden to enjoy the sunshine. I hope you can too.

Let's Get You Happy

As some of you know, I'm on a mission to help create a happier world - not only because it feels good but because the evidence shows that happier people are also healthier, live longer, perform better in their careers and have better relationships. As a Life Coach this is exactly what I love to help with.

And because I know that you don't always have a lot of free time ... because money can be in short supply ... and because we can achieve so much in an hour .. I'm now offering one to one Happy Hours to make a real difference to your happiness and that of those around you.

A Happy Hour is an affordable, one off, feel good session in which we'll assess your current levels of happiness, discover what really makes you happy, and create your own happiness action plan based completely on what will work for you.

And as always there's no mumbo jumbo just practical steps forward to a happier you.

I'm really excited to be offering this, and looking forward to making a difference.

Let's get you happy.

Making Happiness Your Goal

(Spoiler alert - this blog contains a Cheshire Cat, a quest, hidden treasures, a glimpse at the Dark Side, a well guarded secret, and a plot twist. Happy New Year.)

However you feel about New Year's Resolutions, the New Year (or even a new day) can be a great time to reflect on what you do want. So how can we get it off to the best possible start?

Starting With The End In Mind

As the Cheshire Cat says to Alice "If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there." 

It's hard to argue with that. It seems logical that to succeed in reaching any goal in life we first need to know what it is. If you don't know what you want, how will you recognise it when you get it?

But it's my experience that people don't know. Or rather they hide the goal under a series of other goals to the extent that they lose sight of whatever it was to start with. (If that's true for you I promise you're not alone.) It becomes something of a lost treasure that can only be reached after completing endless challenges like a quest you started on but can't remember why.

The good news is we can uncover this treasure if we know where to look, and by doing so we can save ourselves a lot of wasted time, effort and frustration. And New Year is as good a time to do that as any.

Hidden Treasure

So where is this treasure to be found? Often right under our noses cleverly hidden inside our 'When'/'Then' thinking.

It goes like this.

Quest. "When I .... (lose weight/gain a qualification/get a better career/find love) 

Treasure. Then I'll feel ....(happy/fulfilled/confident etc)."

It seems to me that New Year's Resolutions tend to focus on the quest rather than the treasure.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with setting yourself those quest type goals of course. (I'd be a very odd life coach if I thought there was). And you probably will feel happier if that goal is realistic and achievable. Achievements, even the smallest achievements, are known to help us feel good in themselves; especially if the goal also provides a sense of purpose and adds meaning to our life. But that good feeling can also be short lived and may be reliant on achieving one goal after another.

The Dark Side

The problem with the When/Then approach lies in the fact that it makes your happiness (or other desirable outcomes) dependant on some external measurement of success. Or to put it another way, if you don't reach that benchmark then it's easy to believe that your chances of greater happiness, confidence or fulfillment have flown out of the window. You might even consider it evidence that you're a failure and doomed to a life of misery. (I'm exaggerating a bit here but I'm sure you know what I mean). 

And of course, even if you do achieve your When it doesn't guarantee that the Then will follow. 

Maybe part of the reason we so often fail with the quest is because we don't want the disappointment of it not delivering on the results we want? If it's not guaranteed, what's the point in trying?

Don't Tell Anyone But ...

The truth is, we've all been approaching this the wrong way round. You can be happier without having to complete the quest. What's more, when you approach life from this happiness first perspective, everything else is easier to achieve.

Take weight loss for example. Though weight loss is a popular New Year's goal I'm going to assume it's one that people don't find much pleasure in working towards as it probably feels like you have to deprive yourself of something you enjoy. But what if we approached it a different way? One that didn't focus on weight management, or calorie counting, or food at all?

Going Down The Rabbit Hole And Out Again

Most of us turn to comfort foods when we're stressed so it follows that the longer someone feel stressed, the more comfort food they eat, and the more weight is gained. The more weight that's gained, the less confident a person might feel and the less likely they are to take part in social activites that could boost their mood. The more low they feel, the more they turn to comfort foods. It's a downward spiral.

Conversely, when that same person feels happier they're more likely to make positive food choices so it's easier for them to maintain a healthy weight. That could lead to them being more active which boosts their mood further as well as helping with the weight management. Because they feel happier they're more likely to accept social invitations which further increases their happiness. The spiral moves upwards. See how this works?

So by focusing on a different goal, that of managing their stress levels in this example, it's possible to reduce the unhelpful behaviour of comfort eating and improve their overall health. Instead of  

"When I've lost weight I'll feel happy" it becomes  

"Because I feel happy I maintain a healthy weight."

The same principle applies to many other areas. For example, are you more likely to apply for your dream job when you're feeling positive or not? What about applying to college? Starting a business? Or plucking up the courage to speak to the person you want to meet?

Journalling Prompt

So here's a little journalling exercise for you to try. Think of it as a mini quest if you like.

1. Grab a cuppa and take yourself to a quiet space for a few minutes. Then open your journal and write at the top of the page the words When and Then. See how many When and Then statements you can come up with. Try to be as honest with yourself as possible. 

2. Choose one of the statements to explore further, this time using your Then from the previous statement as your new When. For example if you wrote;

"When I've got the job I want, then I'll gain the respect of my peers" you would now write;

"When I gain the respect of my peers then I'll feel more confident."

3. Continue until you feel you can't go any further. Then highlight or underline your final Then statement. There's your treasure.

Congratulations. 

I'm going to assume the treasure you uncovered was happiness or something close to that? Now it's up to you to decide how the the story ends. 

Will you set out on a potentially endless quest anyway or grab that treasure you've found and start living happily ever after right where you are now? It's really as simple as that because happiness isn't really a goal you have to reach at all but a way of being in the present. There are tools and techniques you can start using right now to increase your happiness if that's what you decide you want. Here are just a few ideas.

On the other hand if, like Alice, you're still not sure which road to take, drop me a message. I'd be happy to help. Professional life coach and treasure hunter at your service.

Finding The Good In Difficult Times

It would be a bit of an understatement to say that things haven't been easy this year. One glance at social media or the news is more than enough to remind us all of the difficulties around right now even if you've managed to escape the worst of it all personally. But that doesn't mean that things are all doom and gloom. As is often the case in a crisis there are many people coming forward to help friends, neighbours, strangers in all sorts of ways and that can be a real source of joy for everyone involved. Even hearing of others kindness can lift our spirits. And deliberately looking for that which is good can help us all to be more resilient whatever challenges we're facing. But this can take a bit of practice because to do so means going against our natural instincts.

I'm sure you've had one of those days where everything has been pretty good. Maybe you've had a successful day in work or enjoyed some time catching up with friends. And then something happens to change it. Maybe someone makes a rude remark or another driver cuts you up at a junction (and stares at you as though you're in the wrong). It may be that you witness something that makes you feel angry or sad. Suddenly all that was good and enjoyable from the day are forgotten. Not only do those negative experiences outweigh the positive, but we tend to remember them much longer too.

This is our negativity bias at work. It's not a fault. In fact it's perfectly normal and may even be part of our success as a species. After all, noticing an approaching threat is rather important if we are to survive. But it can become overwhelming, particularly in difficult times, if we don't make efforts to find a balance.

Luckily finding a balance is as simple as looking for the good in every day. It could be ..

a good coffee ... 

a compliment... 

a funny cat video ... 

a beautiful sunset ... 

a job well done ... 

a quiet 5 minutes ...

being safe and warm at home.

You get the idea. They don't need to be major achievements (though of course you can include those too) just the everyday things in your life that are good.

You can also look for the opportunities in a particular challenge. The silver lining if you like. Jumping in puddles anyone?

The key here is practice. Seeing the negative comes naturally and we've all been practicing it for years. No wonder we're so good at it. So we need to be kind to ourselves and not expect to be experts at focusing on what is good after one attempt. And just as you wouldn't expect to be able to run a marathon after one jog around the block, the same principles apply. The more we practice, the better we get at it and the easier it becomes. You can even make it a social experience by asking a friend or colleague what has been good about their day.

Stick with it and you'll find you start to see the good, and find joy, almost everywhere. And that can make a big difference - especially during difficult times.

The Happy Way To Immune Health

It’s been a difficult few months and if you haven’t been feeling very happy lately that’s completely understandable. We’ve all had a lot to adjust to and a lot of people have been struggling with their well-being. But there is an increasing body of evidence that shows that happiness isn’t just about feeling good emotionally, it’s also important for our physical health. And one area where happiness helps is in supporting your immune system. Making your happiness a priority right now could help keep you well, and there are some simple actions you can take to make a difference.

Get Active

If you’ve been staying active during lockdown, you’ve probably already felt the benefits for your happiness. Moving your body increases dopamine and serotonin levels which makes you feel good. But it’s important you do something you enjoy. If you’re not someone who enjoys exercise you might like to consider going for a walk, dancing to a favourite piece of music, or gardening. They’re all great ways to get moving. On the other hand, if you’re already pretty active you might want to be careful not to do too much as over exercising has been linked to an increase in anxiety.

Be Present

Mindfulness has become increasingly popular recently and with good reason. It reduces the stress hormone cortisol and increases levels of feel good serotonin and endorphins. It can also help improve the quality of your sleep - something which is essential for immune health. Contrary to popular belief, mindfulness isn’t about blocking your thoughts out but simply being present in the moment. Try focusing your mind on your breath and, when you notice yourself thinking, gently return your attention to the breath. Like a lot of things, it takes practice, but the benefits are well worth it.

Connect with others

One of the greatest challenges of recent months has been the need for physical distancing. In fact a lack of social connection has been shown to be as bad for you as smoking a packet of cigarettes a day and twice as harmful as being obese. Connecting with others stimulates release of oxytocin which makes you feel good and boosts immunity, so it’s important to find ways to connect with others despite physical distancing. Something as simple as a phone call to a friend can make a big difference to your health and happiness.

Try Something New

Trying something new gives your mind a workout and increases your happiness along the way. It gives you a goal to work towards and that stimulates the release of dopamine. Each step closer to that goal gives you a confidence boost. The size of the goal doesn’t matter either. It could be as simple as trying a new recipe or as ambitious as learning a new language. The important thing is to find something that challenges you enough to hold your interest without becoming a source of stress.

Be Kind

It’s hard to be happy when those around us aren’t but when others feel good we do too. Showing kindness is a simple way to help others feel good and increase your own happiness as it stimulates the release of oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin, your body’s natural feel good chemicals. Whether you hold a door open for someone, surprise someone with a gift or volunteer for a charity, it all helps. So be kind and feel the benefit but remember to be kind to yourself too.

(This article originally appeared in a shortened form in Your Healthy Living magazine)

Living Life On Purpose

Hands up if you can honestly say that you are clear on your life's purpose? If not, I'm here to tell you that's O.K. and that you're in good company. (Probably not what you expect to hear from a life coach but stick with me). Chances are neither do the majority of people reading this. Yet we can sometimes feel as though we 'should' know. Who wasn't asked what they wanted to be when they grew up? The pressure to somehow know the answer was there from an early age for most of us.

Of course some people do know exactly what they want to do with their life from early on but I believe that's the exception rather than the norm.  I'm sure the question was meant to inspire us but it can also make us feel like we've failed if we've made it to adulthood and we still don't know the answer.

The Good News Is ..

Luckily you don't need to know your life's purpose in order to live a purposeful life. Neither do you have to be ambitious, driven, determined or any of those other 'hard' qualities which can come to mind when we think of people pursuing their life's purpose. If you are, then that's O.K. It's just not a requirement. What I'm saying is, we can all lead a purposeful life - and in fact research has shown that it's healthy to do so and that “those with meaning in life are happier and healthier than those without it.” (Professor Dilip V. Jeste, MD).

Career or Purpose?

But let's get something clear before we go further, and it's that you can have a purposeful life quite separately to whatever you do to pay the bills. What a poor existence it would be if we only valued ourselves and our contribution to life by the money we earn. For example, you don't have to be a professional politician to be active in local politics, or a professional musician to enjoy making music. As long as those activities provide a sense of satisfaction and give you opportunities to pursue personal goals, then they can give your life purpose. Goals give us direction and are good for our confidence and self esteem, especially when they are realistic as that way we feel more inclined to pursue them and as a result, achieve them.

Meaning can also be found through your work of course, but that doesn't mean you have to climb a corporate ladder to find it - unless you want to. I've worked in places where the cleaners had a clear sense of purpose in their work, as they saw it as contributing to the smooth running of the office as a whole. And let's recognise that taking home a wage can be meaningful in itself, especially if that means you are better able to provide opportunities for your family or support a favourite charity

We often find meaning in being part of something larger than ourselves so being part of a team, or an organisation, a workplace, a club, a class, a community etc. can give you a real sense of purpose, even more so when you are all working towards a shared goal.

How's Your Sense of Purpose?

A sense of purpose or of meaning is important for our well-being but if after reading this you feel like your life is lacking purpose, try not to be hard on yourself. There are plenty of reasons you may feel that way and they're all perfectly normal.

It may be that you've come to the end of a particular stage in your life - that you've graduated from college, or your family have left home, or you've retired and that which provided you with a sense of purpose is no longer there. Alternatively, you may now have a family but your career which was previously important to you prevents you from spending the quality time you would like with them. If your values and priorities have changed and you haven't adjusted your lifestyle accordingly things could feel rather empty.

In which case it can be helpful to take some time to reflect on what is important to you now and on the steps you could take to get your life back on track. And that can be easier with someone in your corner. If that's something you're ready to do, I'd be very happy to help.

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A New Normal for Wellbeing

I want to start this post with a "thank you", and it's a very heartfelt thank you to all of you who have kept things as normal as possible during this challenging time. Where would we be without you? But also a "thank you" to all who have stayed home so that we can get back to normal as soon as possible. But what kind of 'normal' do we want?

Birdsong and Honeysuckle

As I write this I'm sitting in the garden in the sunshine surrounded by bird song. A light breeze is rustling the leaves and there are bees buzzing amongst the clover and the honeysuckle. It's peaceful. It's relaxing. It doesn't really seem like work at all. But it wasn't always this way. I opted out of the 9 to 5 for a better quality of life a few years ago. Little did I know then, that a few years later a great many of us would be finding ways to work from home as a mattter of necessity, and that we'd all be rediscovering what's really important.

What Have We Discovered?

I think it's fair to say that the things we miss aren't the material things or status symbols but our friends and family. That we've discovered how important the environment is to us because nature lifts our spirits. That we enjoy having time to prepare good, nutritious meals - even baking our own bread. That our hobbies and creative pursuits give us an opportunity to express who we are. That we love to learn. That our communities matter. And that our well-being matters.

And perhaps more importantly, that these are the things that help us live happy, fufilling lives - even in the most challenging of circumstances.

Risk and Opportunity

A shift is happening. We are already reconsidering our priorities. A recent poll showed that people in the UK now want the government to prioritise well-being over economic growth , during the Coronavirus crisis and after. (Reported in the Guardian 10/5/2020)

But as I sit here I can also hear a lot of cars going by - a lot more than I have recently, and that concerns me. Not just because we're not yet out of lockdown but because us humans are often creatures of habit. I get it. It's the easy option. But it concerns me that we might slip back to the way we were and that we might lose all that we have learned. That is the risk we face unless we make the most of this opportunity.

And I do believe this really is an amazing opportunity; to learn, to prioritise and to take action. Because without action, nothing changes.

Prioritising Well-being

I believe we can create the world we want. Not in a new-agey way but in a very real way through our choices and the decisions we make. And now is a great time to make those decisions - while the things that matter are fresh in our minds.

We can decide to maintain the good relationships we've built with our neighbours. We can decide to make time for our hobbies. We may even decide that our old lifestyle no longer works and commit to making changes that will allow us to live in a way which prioritises what really matters. What the New Normal looks like is really up to each of us.

So I just want to leave you with a few journalling prompts. Grab a pen (and maybe a coffee) and allow yourself a moment to reflect on these questions. And if you want to share your thoughts in the comments below, please do.

*What have you learned from this experience?

*What of your old lifestyle no longer works for you?

*What might a happier and healthier "normal" look like for you?