Naturally Happier

As I write this article the sun is shining in and I can hear birds singing in the garden. Outside the wild primroses are smiling (I'm sure they do) some of which popped up before Christmas. Every year my front lawn gets covered in wild primroses and it's the prettiest sight. There will be a lot more of them yet. My Rosemary is flowering and other garden plants are springing back to life. I've been able to do a bit of work on the garden recently and to dry laundry on the line. It's so nice to be able to spend time outdoors again and feels like a much needed tonic. And there is a growing body of evidence that proves what many of us instinctively feel. And that is, that nature is good for us.

Really this should come as no surprise as we are part of nature. The belief that nature is something separate from us is a relatively recent idea and not even one that is shared by all people. It's the dominant model but not the only one historically or culturally. Humans made their appearance on Earth sometime around 2 and 6 million years ago. The belief that we are separate from nature is just a few hundred years old. Even the idea that we are animals ourselves can seem strange as we are so used to seeing animals as something different to us. 

We depend on nature for food, for water, for the air we breathe but we have created lives for ourselves that have, to a large part, removed us from the rest of nature. And that has implications for all of us.

"On average, a person in contemporary society lives over 99.9% of his or her life devoid of conscious sensory contact with attractions in nature. We spend over 95% of our time indoors. We think, write and build relationships while closeted from nature. This disconnected state deludes us to believe that our extreme separation from nature does not influence our intelligence, sanity or ability to relate responsibly. The state of the world says otherwise." Cohen. 

Though this may not feel like a particularly optimistic outlook the opposite is also true. When we spend time in the company of the rest of nature, we feel the benefit.

The mental health charity 'Mind' recognises Eco-Therapy as helpful in reducing anger, depression, anxiety and stress; and as beneficial to a person's self-esteeem, physical health, social life and confidence. In 2007 The Telegraph reported that "the first study into ecotherapy found that fresh air and exercise cut depression in more than 70 per cent of people. A 30 minute walk in a country park also boosted self-esteem in nine out of 10 sufferers." The benefits are really quite significant.

Ecotherapy can take the form of walking in nature, gardening, spending time with animals - in fact exactly the kind of things many people have found helpful over this last year. I've been offering Walk and Talk as an option for my coaching clients since 2017 due to the well-being benefits that connecting with nature provides.

Of course we can't overlook the Climate Crisis which has come very much to the the attention of all of us over the last few years. You may even have come across the term Eco-Anxiety being used to describe the sense of helplessness that many people have experienced in response to that. Though coaches don't diagnose or treat mental health conditions, they do help people take action.

March 4th is Climate Coaching Action Day and I'm proud to say I shall once again be offering a limited number of free coaching spaces for those who wish to take action in response to the Climate Crisis. Priority will be given to those whose action is likely to have the widest reach - for example those working in education or able to influence culture change in their workplaces. However if this speaks to you, please get in touch. The more people taking action to care for our beautiful planet, the better it is for all our wellbeing.

In the meantime, I'm heading back into the garden to enjoy the sunshine. I hope you can too.

Why Good News Is Good For Us

We're only a month into 2021 and so far ..

• The BBC has launched Soundscapes for Wellbeing which brings together nature sounds and soothing music for those moments when you can't get out in nature. 
• Disadvantaged families in 37 local authorities are to be offered free broadband to help with home schooling, 
• Companies are moving to 4 day weeks while paying their staff a full time wage and seeing benefits for the companies. 
• An International ban on Nuclear Weapons came into force.
  
• And sales of sweatshirts and other merchandise sporting a meme of Bernie Sanders wearing a pair of mittens has raised $1.8 million for charities.

Nice to know eh? 

So here's a question for you. How does it feel to read those stories? And how often do you read positive news? 

I really hope you're reading at least one good news story a day as you could argue it's more important right now than ever.

First The Bad News

Negative news stories are known to raise our cortisol and adrenaline levels causing us to feel stressed and putting us at risk of anxiety, depression and insomnia. And we can't deny that there is a lot of negative news around. We need to stay informed but we also need to ensure that our bodies aren't constantly flooded with these chemicals. Reading positive news stories can help put things in perspective.

Negativity Bias

Finding positive stories to read is also important due to our natural negativity bias. This is the tendency we have that gives greater weight to negative events than positive ones. You may have experienced this when you've had a great week but find your mind keeps going over that one moment where someone ignored you in the street. Likewise those bad news stories are going to dominate your attention even on a good week. Consuming positive news can help us to feel less stressed and more hopeful about the future.

The Good News Is

There's no shortage of good news out there. In fact there are websites dedicated to only sharing good news. You might like to check out Positive News, The World's Best News or Reasons To Be Cheerful just to get started. You might even want to consider bookmarking them so you can visit them regularly.

Avoid The Echo Chamber 

If you find you're receiving the majority of your news from social media you might want to consider avoiding reacting to, or commenting on, negative posts. It can be too easy to leave an angry or sad emoji on people's posts or to enter into arguments. But as you may know, social media algorithms work by detecting the information that we seem to be interested in so that it can give us more of the same. Put simply, the more we react to negative stories, the more of those we'll see. Before you know it, it seems as though bad news is all there is. But start reacting to stories of good news or images that uplift you, and you'll see more of that instead.

Be The Change

Even better, why not be the one who helps make social media a more positive experience for everyone? Share something beautiful. Or something that makes you laugh. Or maybe share a bit of good news you've come across? Just seeking out positive things to share will help lift your mood. Alternatively make it a social experience and start a thread asking your friends to share their good news.

It's not about pretending that everything's rosy right now, it's about acknowledging that it is not all bad either. And it's about helping everyone to get through it.

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Can I Help?

If you found the suggestions in this article interesting you might wonder what else you could be doing to improve the quality of your life - and I'd be happy to help. Life coaching isn't therapy but it can help you to enjoy greater happiness and wellbeing by making realistic and sustainable lifestyle changes such as the ones above. I work with you to help you focus on strengths not weaknesses, on solutions not problems and on what is working not on what is not. We'd also focus on those times when you feel capable, confident and resilient in order to help you feel the way you want to feel more often. 

Get in touch if you'd like more information or to book a free 30 minute consultation.

Let's Get You Happy

As some of you know, I'm on a mission to help create a happier world - not only because it feels good but because the evidence shows that happier people are also healthier, live longer, perform better in their careers and have better relationships. As a Life Coach this is exactly what I love to help with.

And because I know that you don't always have a lot of free time ... because money can be in short supply ... and because we can achieve so much in an hour .. I'm now offering one to one Happy Hours to make a real difference to your happiness and that of those around you.

A Happy Hour is an affordable, one off, feel good session in which we'll assess your current levels of happiness, discover what really makes you happy, and create your own happiness action plan based completely on what will work for you.

And as always there's no mumbo jumbo just practical steps forward to a happier you.

I'm really excited to be offering this, and looking forward to making a difference.

Let's get you happy.

Finding The Good In Difficult Times

It would be a bit of an understatement to say that things haven't been easy this year. One glance at social media or the news is more than enough to remind us all of the difficulties around right now even if you've managed to escape the worst of it all personally. But that doesn't mean that things are all doom and gloom. As is often the case in a crisis there are many people coming forward to help friends, neighbours, strangers in all sorts of ways and that can be a real source of joy for everyone involved. Even hearing of others kindness can lift our spirits. And deliberately looking for that which is good can help us all to be more resilient whatever challenges we're facing. But this can take a bit of practice because to do so means going against our natural instincts.

I'm sure you've had one of those days where everything has been pretty good. Maybe you've had a successful day in work or enjoyed some time catching up with friends. And then something happens to change it. Maybe someone makes a rude remark or another driver cuts you up at a junction (and stares at you as though you're in the wrong). It may be that you witness something that makes you feel angry or sad. Suddenly all that was good and enjoyable from the day are forgotten. Not only do those negative experiences outweigh the positive, but we tend to remember them much longer too.

This is our negativity bias at work. It's not a fault. In fact it's perfectly normal and may even be part of our success as a species. After all, noticing an approaching threat is rather important if we are to survive. But it can become overwhelming, particularly in difficult times, if we don't make efforts to find a balance.

Luckily finding a balance is as simple as looking for the good in every day. It could be ..

a good coffee ... 

a compliment... 

a funny cat video ... 

a beautiful sunset ... 

a job well done ... 

a quiet 5 minutes ...

being safe and warm at home.

You get the idea. They don't need to be major achievements (though of course you can include those too) just the everyday things in your life that are good.

You can also look for the opportunities in a particular challenge. The silver lining if you like. Jumping in puddles anyone?

The key here is practice. Seeing the negative comes naturally and we've all been practicing it for years. No wonder we're so good at it. So we need to be kind to ourselves and not expect to be experts at focusing on what is good after one attempt. And just as you wouldn't expect to be able to run a marathon after one jog around the block, the same principles apply. The more we practice, the better we get at it and the easier it becomes. You can even make it a social experience by asking a friend or colleague what has been good about their day.

Stick with it and you'll find you start to see the good, and find joy, almost everywhere. And that can make a big difference - especially during difficult times.

Living Life On Purpose

Hands up if you can honestly say that you are clear on your life's purpose? If not, I'm here to tell you that's O.K. and that you're in good company. (Probably not what you expect to hear from a life coach but stick with me). Chances are neither do the majority of people reading this. Yet we can sometimes feel as though we 'should' know. Who wasn't asked what they wanted to be when they grew up? The pressure to somehow know the answer was there from an early age for most of us.

Of course some people do know exactly what they want to do with their life from early on but I believe that's the exception rather than the norm.  I'm sure the question was meant to inspire us but it can also make us feel like we've failed if we've made it to adulthood and we still don't know the answer.

The Good News Is ..

Luckily you don't need to know your life's purpose in order to live a purposeful life. Neither do you have to be ambitious, driven, determined or any of those other 'hard' qualities which can come to mind when we think of people pursuing their life's purpose. If you are, then that's O.K. It's just not a requirement. What I'm saying is, we can all lead a purposeful life - and in fact research has shown that it's healthy to do so and that “those with meaning in life are happier and healthier than those without it.” (Professor Dilip V. Jeste, MD).

Career or Purpose?

But let's get something clear before we go further, and it's that you can have a purposeful life quite separately to whatever you do to pay the bills. What a poor existence it would be if we only valued ourselves and our contribution to life by the money we earn. For example, you don't have to be a professional politician to be active in local politics, or a professional musician to enjoy making music. As long as those activities provide a sense of satisfaction and give you opportunities to pursue personal goals, then they can give your life purpose. Goals give us direction and are good for our confidence and self esteem, especially when they are realistic as that way we feel more inclined to pursue them and as a result, achieve them.

Meaning can also be found through your work of course, but that doesn't mean you have to climb a corporate ladder to find it - unless you want to. I've worked in places where the cleaners had a clear sense of purpose in their work, as they saw it as contributing to the smooth running of the office as a whole. And let's recognise that taking home a wage can be meaningful in itself, especially if that means you are better able to provide opportunities for your family or support a favourite charity

We often find meaning in being part of something larger than ourselves so being part of a team, or an organisation, a workplace, a club, a class, a community etc. can give you a real sense of purpose, even more so when you are all working towards a shared goal.

How's Your Sense of Purpose?

A sense of purpose or of meaning is important for our well-being but if after reading this you feel like your life is lacking purpose, try not to be hard on yourself. There are plenty of reasons you may feel that way and they're all perfectly normal.

It may be that you've come to the end of a particular stage in your life - that you've graduated from college, or your family have left home, or you've retired and that which provided you with a sense of purpose is no longer there. Alternatively, you may now have a family but your career which was previously important to you prevents you from spending the quality time you would like with them. If your values and priorities have changed and you haven't adjusted your lifestyle accordingly things could feel rather empty.

In which case it can be helpful to take some time to reflect on what is important to you now and on the steps you could take to get your life back on track. And that can be easier with someone in your corner. If that's something you're ready to do, I'd be very happy to help.

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Five Ways to Make Social Media Your Friend

I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that social media is bad for your well-being. It's been shown to be detrimental to our self-esteem, our sleep patterns, our attention span, and our mental health. It can even have a negative affect on our experience of the present moment. When we are busy capturing the perfect photo for instagram we can miss out on the joy around us.

A huge part of this is due to the fact that we naturally compare ourselves to others and this can increase feelings of depression and isolation. And while we're spending hours online we're missing out on opportunities to do those activities which are known to be good for us - such as spending time in nature, enjoying hobbies, learning something new or spending time with friends and family.

But for many of us it's also an important way to stay in touch with friends and family, as well as a tool we may use for work. So can we use social media in such a way that it benefits our well-being instead? I think we can.

1) Be Mindful

My first tip is to be mindful of why you're checking your social media. Importantly, are you simply picking up your phone out of habit? There may be many good reasons for checking Facebook, Twitter, Instagram etc such as to wish a friend happy birthday, to gain support yourself, to find out about events or classes, to connect with people who share your beliefs or interests, or even to be inspired by beautiful photography. But I would argue there is a difference between picking up your phone and randomly scrolling through the feed to mindfully seeking out that which you're interested in. It's about using social media with intention - in the same way that when you watch TV you would select the programmes you enjoy.

2) Be Curious

Even when using social media mindfully, you'll no doubt see images which can create the impression that others have perfect lives. Their homes always look immaculate, their gardens are neatly manicured, they seem to have successful careers, loving partners, wonderful children - and that can really knock your confidence. Logically we know we aren't seeing the complete picture but that doesn't make it any easier. However, we can choose to approach those images with curiosity and look beyond the pictures to consider what we aren't seeing. For example, they may look beautiful but they could feel lonely. They may have relationship or financial difficulties. They may have health problems they don't like to talk about online. They may be worried about a family member. Of course we won't know what is going on beyond the pictures but curiosity can help us see the images as they really are - the highlights reel of their life.

3) Celebrate Others Success

One way to increase our sense of social connection is to celebrate others success. It seems to me that social media is pretty good at this. Important events such as graduations, a new job, weddings, the birth of a child generally attract a lot of congratulations from friends and family. However there is so much more to celebrate. There is someone growing their first tomato .. there is another person who tidied the house this morning .. there is the person who got the laundry in before the rain .. there is the person who tried out a new recipe .. there is the person who decided to switch off their social media at 9pm and slept better as a result. Just as we need people on our side when we feel low we also need them to be there when we succeed, and those little wins are important. Celebrating others successes helps them feel good - and when we make others feel good, we feel good too.

4) Increase Your Self Awareness

One thing social media does very well is to provide us with an opportunity for increasing our self-awareness. How often have you felt at least a tiny bit envious of others successes or achievements? Was it the holiday pictures you envied or the new career? The romantic relationship or the new house? Their weight loss success or the night out with friends? Or maybe it was a quiet night in? Where does your envy highlight that which you would like for yourself? Whatever it is you envy it's unlikely that it happened overnight. We see the results but we don't see what it took to get there. But one thing's for sure. If one person can achieve it, it's pretty likely you can too. Once you're aware of what you want for yourself, you can begin making a plan to achieve it. Having a goal to work towards is great for our well-being as it provides us with purpose and direction, and we gain confidence as we achieve each step along the way. So if you're not sure what you want in life, check your social media.

5) Connect With Others

If you are using social media mindfully it can be a great way to connect with others in ways that support your happiness and well-being. And stronger social conections are linked to greater immunity, reductions in anxiety, and faster recovery from disease. There's even some evidence that it may help you live longer. So how do we connect in ways that support our well-being? One way might be to join a Facebook group of like-minded people where you can learn from evidence based articles and podcasts, take part in well-being challenges and laugh at the occasional funny cat meme or feel good video. It just so happens I have such a group and it's called More Than Happy. One member recently described it as the "happiest place on Facebook". If you'd like to join us, you'd be very welcome.

A New Normal for Wellbeing

I want to start this post with a "thank you", and it's a very heartfelt thank you to all of you who have kept things as normal as possible during this challenging time. Where would we be without you? But also a "thank you" to all who have stayed home so that we can get back to normal as soon as possible. But what kind of 'normal' do we want?

Birdsong and Honeysuckle

As I write this I'm sitting in the garden in the sunshine surrounded by bird song. A light breeze is rustling the leaves and there are bees buzzing amongst the clover and the honeysuckle. It's peaceful. It's relaxing. It doesn't really seem like work at all. But it wasn't always this way. I opted out of the 9 to 5 for a better quality of life a few years ago. Little did I know then, that a few years later a great many of us would be finding ways to work from home as a mattter of necessity, and that we'd all be rediscovering what's really important.

What Have We Discovered?

I think it's fair to say that the things we miss aren't the material things or status symbols but our friends and family. That we've discovered how important the environment is to us because nature lifts our spirits. That we enjoy having time to prepare good, nutritious meals - even baking our own bread. That our hobbies and creative pursuits give us an opportunity to express who we are. That we love to learn. That our communities matter. And that our well-being matters.

And perhaps more importantly, that these are the things that help us live happy, fufilling lives - even in the most challenging of circumstances.

Risk and Opportunity

A shift is happening. We are already reconsidering our priorities. A recent poll showed that people in the UK now want the government to prioritise well-being over economic growth , during the Coronavirus crisis and after. (Reported in the Guardian 10/5/2020)

But as I sit here I can also hear a lot of cars going by - a lot more than I have recently, and that concerns me. Not just because we're not yet out of lockdown but because us humans are often creatures of habit. I get it. It's the easy option. But it concerns me that we might slip back to the way we were and that we might lose all that we have learned. That is the risk we face unless we make the most of this opportunity.

And I do believe this really is an amazing opportunity; to learn, to prioritise and to take action. Because without action, nothing changes.

Prioritising Well-being

I believe we can create the world we want. Not in a new-agey way but in a very real way through our choices and the decisions we make. And now is a great time to make those decisions - while the things that matter are fresh in our minds.

We can decide to maintain the good relationships we've built with our neighbours. We can decide to make time for our hobbies. We may even decide that our old lifestyle no longer works and commit to making changes that will allow us to live in a way which prioritises what really matters. What the New Normal looks like is really up to each of us.

So I just want to leave you with a few journalling prompts. Grab a pen (and maybe a coffee) and allow yourself a moment to reflect on these questions. And if you want to share your thoughts in the comments below, please do.

*What have you learned from this experience?

*What of your old lifestyle no longer works for you?

*What might a happier and healthier "normal" look like for you?