Showing posts with label life coaching. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life coaching. Show all posts

Some Journalling Prompts For The New Year

As it's almost the end of the year I'm sure I'm not the only one feeling reflective, so I thought I'd share some journalling prompts with you. 

Journalling is a great thing to do if  you want to take stock of the past year or are thinking about setting any New Year Resolutions. You don't need to answer all the prompts, they're simply a starting point for your thoughts. Grab yourself a coffee, a notebook and pen and treat yourself to a few minutes of  valuable 'me time'.

I hope you find them helpful.   

  • What brought you the most joy during the last year?
  • What were you most proud of?   
  • What felt most meaningful? 
  • Who supported your best interests?   
  • What situations brought out the best in you?  
  • What did you learn?  
  • What will you do differently in the coming year?

If you're ready to set some resolutions, you might also want to check out this post on choosing the right goals for you. 

And if you want someone on your side, you know where I am.

Wishing you every happiness in the new year. 🎉

Naturally Happier


As I write this article the sun is shining in and I can hear birds singing in the garden. Outside the wild primroses are smiling (I'm sure they do) some of which popped up before Christmas. Every year my front lawn gets covered in wild primroses and it's the prettiest sight. There will be a lot more of them yet. My Rosemary is flowering and other garden plants are springing back to life. I've been able to do a bit of work on the garden recently and to dry laundry on the line. It's so nice to be able to spend time outdoors again and feels like a much needed tonic. And there is a growing body of evidence that proves what many of us instinctively feel. And that is, that nature is good for us.

Really this should come as no surprise as we are part of nature. The belief that nature is something separate from us is a relatively recent idea and not even one that is shared by all people. It's the dominant model but not the only one historically or culturally. Humans made their appearance on Earth sometime around 2 and 6 million years ago. The belief that we are separate from nature is just a few hundred years old. Even the idea that we are animals ourselves can seem strange as we are so used to seeing animals as something different to us. 

We depend on nature for food, for water, for the air we breathe but we have created lives for ourselves that have, to a large part, removed us from the rest of nature. And that has implications for all of us.

"On average, a person in contemporary society lives over 99.9% of his or her life devoid of conscious sensory contact with attractions in nature. We spend over 95% of our time indoors. We think, write and build relationships while closeted from nature. This disconnected state deludes us to believe that our extreme separation from nature does not influence our intelligence, sanity or ability to relate responsibly. The state of the world says otherwise." Cohen. 

Though this may not feel like a particularly optimistic outlook the opposite is also true. When we spend time in the company of the rest of nature, we feel the benefit.

The mental health charity 'Mind' recognises Eco-Therapy as helpful in reducing anger, depression, anxiety and stress; and as beneficial to a person's self-esteeem, physical health, social life and confidence. In 2007 The Telegraph reported that "the first study into ecotherapy found that fresh air and exercise cut depression in more than 70 per cent of people. A 30 minute walk in a country park also boosted self-esteem in nine out of 10 sufferers." The benefits are really quite significant.

Ecotherapy can take the form of walking in nature, gardening, spending time with animals - in fact exactly the kind of things many people have found helpful over this last year. I've been offering Walk and Talk as an option for my coaching clients since 2017 due to the well-being benefits that connecting with nature provides.

Of course we can't overlook the Climate Crisis which has come very much to the the attention of all of us over the last few years. You may even have come across the term Eco-Anxiety being used to describe the sense of helplessness that many people have experienced in response to that. Though coaches don't diagnose or treat mental health conditions, they do help people take action.

March 4th is Climate Coaching Action Day and I'm proud to say I shall once again be offering a limited number of free coaching spaces for those who wish to take action in response to the Climate Crisis. Priority will be given to those whose action is likely to have the widest reach - for example those working in education or able to influence culture change in their workplaces. However if this speaks to you, please get in touch. The more people taking action to care for our beautiful planet, the better it is for all our wellbeing.

In the meantime, I'm heading back into the garden to enjoy the sunshine. I hope you can too.

Why Good News Is Good For Us


We're only a month into 2021 and so far ..

Nice to know eh? 

So here's a question for you. How does it feel to read those stories? And how often do you read positive news? 

I really hope you're reading at least one good news story a day as you could argue it's more important right now than ever.

First The Bad News

Negative news stories are known to raise our cortisol and adrenaline levels causing us to feel stressed and putting us at risk of anxiety, depression and insomnia. And we can't deny that there is a lot of negative news around. We need to stay informed but we also need to ensure that our bodies aren't constantly flooded with these chemicals. Reading positive news stories can help put things in perspective.

Negativity Bias

Finding positive stories to read is also important due to our natural negativity bias. This is the tendency we have that gives greater weight to negative events than positive ones. You may have experienced this when you've had a great week but find your mind keeps going over that one moment where someone ignored you in the street. Likewise those bad news stories are going to dominate your attention even on a good week. Consuming positive news can help us to feel less stressed and more hopeful about the future.

The Good News Is

There's no shortage of good news out there. In fact there are websites dedicated to only sharing good news. You might like to check out Positive News, The World's Best News or Reasons To Be Cheerful just to get started. You might even want to consider bookmarking them so you can visit them regularly.

Avoid The Echo Chamber 

If you find you're receiving the majority of your news from social media you might want to consider avoiding reacting to, or commenting on, negative posts. It can be too easy to leave an angry or sad emoji on people's posts or to enter into arguments. But as you may know, social media algorithms work by detecting the information that we seem to be interested in so that it can give us more of the same. Put simply, the more we react to negative stories, the more of those we'll see. Before you know it, it seems as though bad news is all there is. But start reacting to stories of good news or images that uplift you, and you'll see more of that instead.

Be The Change

Even better, why not be the one who helps make social media a more positive experience for everyone? Share something beautiful. Or something that makes you laugh. Or maybe share a bit of good news you've come across? Just seeking out positive things to share will help lift your mood. Alternatively make it a social experience and start a thread asking your friends to share their good news.

It's not about pretending that everything's rosy right now, it's about acknowledging that it is not all bad either. And it's about helping everyone to get through it.

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Can I Help?

If you found the suggestions in this article interesting you might wonder what else you could be doing to improve the quality of your life - and I'd be happy to help. Life coaching isn't therapy but it can help you to enjoy greater happiness and wellbeing by making realistic and sustainable lifestyle changes such as the ones above. I work with you to help you focus on strengths not weaknesses, on solutions not problems and on what is working not on what is not. We'd also focus on those times when you feel capable, confident and resilient in order to help you feel the way you want to feel more often. 

Get in touch if you'd like more information or to book a free 30 minute consultation.

Let's Get You Happy



As some of you know, I'm on a mission to help create a happier world - not only because it feels good but because the evidence shows that happier people are also healthier, live longer, perform better in their careers and have better relationships. As a Life Coach this is exactly what I love to help with.

And because I know that you don't always have a lot of free time ... because money can be in short supply ... and because we can achieve so much in an hour .. I'm now offering one to one Happy Hours to make a real difference to your happiness and that of those around you.

A Happy Hour is an affordable, one off, feel good session in which we'll assess your current levels of happiness, discover what really makes you happy, and create your own happiness action plan based completely on what will work for you.


And as always there's no mumbo jumbo just practical steps forward to a happier you.

I'm really excited to be offering this, and looking forward to making a difference.

Let's get you happy.

Making Happiness Your Goal

(Spoiler alert - this blog contains a Cheshire Cat, a quest, hidden treasures, a glimpse at the Dark Side, a well guarded secret, and a plot twist. Happy New Year.)

However you feel about New Year's Resolutions, the New Year (or even a new day) can be a great time to reflect on what you do want. So how can we get it off to the best possible start?

Starting With The End In Mind

As the Cheshire Cat says to Alice "If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there." 

It's hard to argue with that. It seems logical that to succeed in reaching any goal in life we first need to know what it is. If you don't know what you want, how will you recognise it when you get it?

But it's my experience that people don't know. Or rather they hide the goal under a series of other goals to the extent that they lose sight of whatever it was to start with. (If that's true for you I promise you're not alone.) It becomes something of a lost treasure that can only be reached after completing endless challenges like a quest you started on but can't remember why.

The good news is we can uncover this treasure if we know where to look, and by doing so we can save ourselves a lot of wasted time, effort and frustration. And New Year is as good a time to do that as any.

Hidden Treasure

So where is this treasure to be found? Often right under our noses cleverly hidden inside our 'When'/'Then' thinking.

It goes like this.

Quest. "When I .... (lose weight/gain a qualification/get a better career/find love) 

Treasure. Then I'll feel ....(happy/fulfilled/confident etc)."

It seems to me that New Year's Resolutions tend to focus on the quest rather than the treasure.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with setting yourself those quest type goals of course. (I'd be a very odd life coach if I thought there was). And you probably will feel happier if that goal is realistic and achievable. Achievements, even the smallest achievements, are known to help us feel good in themselves; especially if the goal also provides a sense of purpose and adds meaning to our life. But that good feeling can also be short lived and may be reliant on achieving one goal after another.

The Dark Side

The problem with the When/Then approach lies in the fact that it makes your happiness (or other desirable outcomes) dependant on some external measurement of success. Or to put it another way, if you don't reach that benchmark then it's easy to believe that your chances of greater happiness, confidence or fulfillment have flown out of the window. You might even consider it evidence that you're a failure and doomed to a life of misery. (I'm exaggerating a bit here but I'm sure you know what I mean). 

And of course, even if you do achieve your When it doesn't guarantee that the Then will follow. 

Maybe part of the reason we so often fail with the quest is because we don't want the disappointment of it not delivering on the results we want? If it's not guaranteed, what's the point in trying?

Don't Tell Anyone But ...

The truth is, we've all been approaching this the wrong way round. You can be happier without having to complete the quest. What's more, when you approach life from this happiness first perspective, everything else is easier to achieve.

Take weight loss for example. Though weight loss is a popular New Year's goal I'm going to assume it's one that people don't find much pleasure in working towards as it probably feels like you have to deprive yourself of something you enjoy. But what if we approached it a different way? One that didn't focus on weight management, or calorie counting, or food at all?

Going Down The Rabbit Hole And Out Again

Most of us turn to comfort foods when we're stressed so it follows that the longer someone feel stressed, the more comfort food they eat, and the more weight is gained. The more weight that's gained, the less confident a person might feel and the less likely they are to take part in social activites that could boost their mood. The more low they feel, the more they turn to comfort foods. It's a downward spiral.

Conversely, when that same person feels happier they're more likely to make positive food choices so it's easier for them to maintain a healthy weight. That could lead to them being more active which boosts their mood further as well as helping with the weight management. Because they feel happier they're more likely to accept social invitations which further increases their happiness. The spiral moves upwards. See how this works?

So by focusing on a different goal, that of managing their stress levels in this example, it's possible to reduce the unhelpful behaviour of comfort eating and improve their overall health. Instead of  

"When I've lost weight I'll feel happy" it becomes  

"Because I feel happy I maintain a healthy weight."

The same principle applies to many other areas. For example, are you more likely to apply for your dream job when you're feeling positive or not? What about applying to college? Starting a business? Or plucking up the courage to speak to the person you want to meet?

Journalling Prompt

So here's a little journalling exercise for you to try. Think of it as a mini quest if you like.

1. Grab a cuppa and take yourself to a quiet space for a few minutes. Then open your journal and write at the top of the page the words When and Then. See how many When and Then statements you can come up with. Try to be as honest with yourself as possible. 

2. Choose one of the statements to explore further, this time using your Then from the previous statement as your new When. For example if you wrote;

"When I've got the job I want, then I'll gain the respect of my peers" you would now write;

"When I gain the respect of my peers then I'll feel more confident."

3. Continue until you feel you can't go any further. Then highlight or underline your final Then statement. There's your treasure.

Congratulations

I'm going to assume the treasure you uncovered was happiness or something close to that? Now it's up to you to decide how the the story ends. 

Will you set out on a potentially endless quest anyway or grab that treasure you've found and start living happily ever after right where you are now? It's really as simple as that because happiness isn't really a goal you have to reach at all but a way of being in the present. There are tools and techniques you can start using right now to increase your happiness if that's what you decide you want. Here are just a few ideas.

On the other hand if, like Alice, you're still not sure which road to take, drop me a message. I'd be happy to help. Professional life coach and treasure hunter at your service.


The Happy Way To Immune Health




It’s been a difficult few months and if you haven’t been feeling very happy lately that’s completely understandable. We’ve all had a lot to adjust to and a lot of people have been struggling with their well-being. But there is an increasing body of evidence that shows that happiness isn’t just about feeling good emotionally, it’s also important for our physical health. And one area where happiness helps is in supporting your immune system. Making your happiness a priority right now could help keep you well, and there are some simple actions you can take to make a difference.

Get Active


If you’ve been staying active during lockdown, you’ve probably already felt the benefits for your happiness. Moving your body increases dopamine and serotonin levels which makes you feel good. But it’s important you do something you enjoy. If you’re not someone who enjoys exercise you might like to consider going for a walk, dancing to a favourite piece of music, or gardening. They’re all great ways to get moving. On the other hand, if you’re already pretty active you might want to be careful not to do too much as over exercising has been linked to an increase in anxiety.

Be Present


Mindfulness has become increasingly popular recently and with good reason. It reduces the stress hormone cortisol and increases levels of feel good serotonin and endorphins. It can also help improve the quality of your sleep - something which is essential for immune health. Contrary to popular belief, mindfulness isn’t about blocking your thoughts out but simply being present in the moment. Try focusing your mind on your breath and, when you notice yourself thinking, gently return your attention to the breath. Like a lot of things, it takes practice, but the benefits are well worth it.

Connect with others


One of the greatest challenges of recent months has been the need for physical distancing. In fact a lack of social connection has been shown to be as bad for you as smoking a packet of cigarettes a day and twice as harmful as being obese. Connecting with others stimulates release of oxytocin which makes you feel good and boosts immunity, so it’s important to find ways to connect with others despite physical distancing. Something as simple as a phone call to a friend can make a big difference to your health and happiness.

Try Something New


Trying something new gives your mind a workout and increases your happiness along the way. It gives you a goal to work towards and that stimulates the release of dopamine. Each step closer to that goal gives you a confidence boost. The size of the goal doesn’t matter either. It could be as simple as trying a new recipe or as ambitious as learning a new language. The important thing is to find something that challenges you enough to hold your interest without becoming a source of stress.

Be Kind


It’s hard to be happy when those around us aren’t but when others feel good we do too. Showing kindness is a simple way to help others feel good and increase your own happiness as it stimulates the release of oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin, your body’s natural feel good chemicals. Whether you hold a door open for someone, surprise someone with a gift or volunteer for a charity, it all helps. So be kind and feel the benefit but remember to be kind to yourself too.

(This article originally appeared in a shortened form in Your Healthy Living magazine)

Living Life On Purpose

Hands up if you can honestly say that you are clear on your life's purpose? If not, I'm here to tell you that's O.K. and that you're in good company. (Probably not what you expect to hear from a life coach but stick with me). Chances are neither do the majority of people reading this. Yet we can sometimes feel as though we 'should' know. Who wasn't asked what they wanted to be when they grew up? The pressure to somehow know the answer was there from an early age for most of us.

Of course some people do know exactly what they want to do with their life from early on but I believe that's the exception rather than the norm.  I'm sure the question was meant to inspire us but it can also make us feel like we've failed if we've made it to adulthood and we still don't know the answer.

The Good News Is ..

Luckily you don't need to know your life's purpose in order to live a purposeful life. Neither do you have to be ambitious, driven, determined or any of those other 'hard' qualities which can come to mind when we think of people pursuing their life's purpose. If you are, then that's O.K. It's just not a requirement. What I'm saying is, we can all lead a purposeful life - and in fact research has shown that it's healthy to do so and that “those with meaning in life are happier and healthier than those without it.” (Professor Dilip V. Jeste, MD).

Career or Purpose?

But let's get something clear before we go further, and it's that you can have a purposeful life quite separately to whatever you do to pay the bills. What a poor existence it would be if we only valued ourselves and our contribution to life by the money we earn. For example, you don't have to be a professional politician to be active in local politics, or a professional musician to enjoy making music. As long as those activities provide a sense of satisfaction and give you opportunities to pursue personal goals, then they can give your life purpose. Goals give us direction and are good for our confidence and self esteem, especially when they are realistic as that way we feel more inclined to pursue them and as a result, achieve them.

Meaning can also be found through your work of course, but that doesn't mean you have to climb a corporate ladder to find it - unless you want to. I've worked in places where the cleaners had a clear sense of purpose in their work, as they saw it as contributing to the smooth running of the office as a whole. And let's recognise that taking home a wage can be meaningful in itself, especially if that means you are better able to provide opportunities for your family or support a favourite charity

We often find meaning in being part of something larger than ourselves so being part of a team, or an organisation, a workplace, a club, a class, a community etc. can give you a real sense of purpose, even more so when you are all working towards a shared goal.

How's Your Sense of Purpose?

A sense of purpose or of meaning is important for our well-being but if after reading this you feel like your life is lacking purpose, try not to be hard on yourself. There are plenty of reasons you may feel that way and they're all perfectly normal.

It may be that you've come to the end of a particular stage in your life - that you've graduated from college, or your family have left home, or you've retired and that which provided you with a sense of purpose is no longer there. Alternatively, you may now have a family but your career which was previously important to you prevents you from spending the quality time you would like with them. If your values and priorities have changed and you haven't adjusted your lifestyle accordingly things could feel rather empty.

In which case it can be helpful to take some time to reflect on what is important to you now and on the steps you could take to get your life back on track. And that can be easier with someone in your corner. If that's something you're ready to do, I'd be very happy to help.

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Simple Steps from Stressed to Zzzzz

On a scale of 1 to 10. How stressed do you feel today? (Read on for your unique stress management plan).

How do you feel when someone talks about Stress Management? I'll be honest and say that even the word 'stressed' makes me start to feel stressed. So that's why I want to approach this a little bit differently.

In fact I don't want you to focus on stress at all. If you're feeling stressed (and possibly stressing about feeling stressed) I invite you to focus on how you'd like to feel instead.

Grab a pen and paper and write down (or draw) how you'd like to feel. Maybe you want to feel relaxed? Or maybe you have another word that describes what you want better?

Then bring to mind all the times recently when you have felt the way you want to feel. Even if those were just moments. Every moment matters. Jot down as many of those moments as you can remember.

Look over your list and circle all the moments you could include in your daily life.

Commit to include 1 or more of these each day.

Congratulations - you have your own unique stress management plan and hopefully are starting to feel better already.

I'd love to know how well this worked for you.

What If ....?

What if you could have the house... or the job... or the holiday... or the car... or the money... or the partner you have always wanted? Remember how you used to dream of that? But maybe now, as you read that, you notice a little voice whispering "life's not like that", "you have to be realistic", or "that's just not for the likes of you", or, my pet hate, "you're too old". So you adjust your expectations ...

So let's start again. What if you had time for a coffee before you went to work? What if you didn't get stuck in traffic? What if the clothes you put on this morning made you feel great .. not ok, but great! What if it was someone else's turn to cook dinner? What if you had fresh flowers on the table? What if the laundry was folded and put away already? What if you could just put your feet up for a while?

How does that feel? More realistic? So what happened to those dreams? Sure, our dreams change over time, and maybe having the house tidy or the right money for the parking meter has become a dream of sorts, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I'm all for celebrating the little things. But I also think it's worth revisiting our dreams now and then, to make sure we're not settling for less.

A little while ago I asked followers of my Facebook page to complete the statement "Life's too short ............." The responses I had included "to stay in a job you don't love", "to procrastinate", "to be afraid of the leap", "not to try". One person added, "so enjoy, and have fun with those that make you feel happy about yourself". Another simply said, "there's nothing to add, life's too short"... so it's clear we all realise our time here is precious. Yet from talking to some of you I've learned that what stops you living the life you really want is fear. Fear of change, fear of stepping outside your comfort zone, fear of financial insecurity, fear of what other's might think, fear of failing, fear of making the wrong decision. Or to put it another way, we're very good at asking ourselves, what if something goes wrong? 

So let's turn that around. What if you could have the life you really wanted? What if your friends just want you to be happy? What if you knew that what you wanted, was 'meant to be'? What if you were able to overcome those fears that hold you back? What if you were to wake up excited about the day ahead? What if you could make a difference in the world? What if you knew that your courage was admired by others and a role model to your children? What if you couldn't fail? What if you knew where you could be a few years from now? What difference would that make? 

What if you had someone in your corner, helping you to achieve the life you want? 

I'm ready when you are.

How to Make and Keep Your New Year's Resolutions

Lose weight? Watch less TV? Get a new job? Declutter? Stop smoking? Spend less time online and more with friends? Learn a new skill? Think positively? If the idea of making New Year's Resolutions is accompanied by a little voice telling you that you never keep them (and so why bother?) this post is for you. Keeping motivated isn't as hard as it may seem once you have a few key factors in place to help you reach your goals. And the good news is you probably have much of what you need already. If you don't, help is at hand.

On the other hand, if you're one of those amazing people who achieves whatever they set their mind to with ease, this may seem familiar, and I hope will spur you on to greater challenges this year.

Control

The first thing to ask yourself when making your New Year's Resolution, is 'Do I have control over this?' And importantly that includes control over the choice to set that particular goal. For example, if you are aiming to lose weight because someone else wants you to, your motivation isn't going to last very long. In fact that may make you feel completely demotivated. Quite simply, your goal needs to be truly your own if you are to achieve it. It needs to be something you want to do.

Tip - Ask yourself, 'Whose goal is this really?'

Congruence

Congruence is a word coaches love but simply put it means that the goal needs to be in line with your values. For example, if one of your values is that your family should have the best opportunities possible, you may find it easy to squeeze your children's interests into your busy schedule but focusing on your own career or personal development may be more difficult. On the other hand, you might recognise that by pursuing your own interests you also provide a good role model for your children. A coach can help you explore your values so that you can make New Year's Resolutions which feel right for you.

Tip - Ask yourself 'Is my goal in line with what's really important to me?

Competence and Confidence

You need to feel that you can achieve your goal. That may mean you need to learn new skills in order to do so, but you need to feel confident that each step towards your goal is manageable.

Tip - Break your goal down into simple steps.

Connections

We are social animals and even if our goal is to have more time alone, we are more likely to achieve this if we have the support of others. This is one of the reasons why people who join a gym often have more success than those who go it alone. Think of someone who wants to take up running, for example. It may be that one of the reasons for them doing so is to have some 'me time'. However there will be days when it rains and motivation is hard to find. That's when the support of someone else (and I don't mean the type of support that offers you a cup of hot chocolate and a cosy evening in) helps get you out there despite the weather.

Tip - Get someone in your corner.

Preparing for Challenges.

It happens - your partner/son/daughter eats the healthy meal you were keeping for yourself, or the car breaks down and your new found positive thinking flies straight out of the window, or you are ready to apply for that new job but your Internet connection goes down. What do you do? Returning to our lone runner on a rainy evening for a moment, it would be so easy for them to have a night off, but how would they feel afterwards? Chances are that they'd feel disappointed at least and might find that the little voice that tells them they never stick to anything starts to speak up louder than usual. We know that things crop up in life that can throw us off track, so better to be prepared for them in advance. That's where realistic goal setting can come in (aim to run 3 times a week instead of every day?) and identifying different options in case the inevitable should happen.

Tip - Have a back-up plan.

Celebrate Your Successes

We humans have a funny way of noticing what goes wrong over what is going well, and it's easy to be hard on ourselves when we feel we've let ourselves down. We eat the cake we promised ourselves we wouldn't, we decide that learning that new skill isn't as important as a night in front of the T.V, or we get to halfway through January and our goal seems just too far ahead to reach. That's where it can help to stop and look at what you've already achieved. Celebrate the days you didn't have the cake, acknowledge the things you've already learned, look at the distance you've already travelled - realise you're on your way.

Tip - Look at what you've achieved already. You're doing great!

Get a Coach

I know you can do this but it's far easier when you have the help of someone who wants you to succeed. That's where coaching comes in. I can help you set realistic goals which are in line with your values, help you break that goal down into manageable steps, help you identify obstacles, keep you accountable and, best of all, celebrate your successes. You can contact me either by using the contact form on this page or via my facebook page. I look forward to helping you achieve your goals.

Tip - Contact me now and let's get your New Year's Resolutions off to fantastic start.

Wishing You a Very Happy New Year.